My husband and I married in April last year after two years of dating. He lived in one city and I live in a different one. Early on, I made clear that my career would require flexibility, but he reassured me it would be fine and said he lovrd ne nonmatter what and was commited to making it work.
A month after our wedding, I was assigned a training contract in my contract for 4 years, and we began house-hunting together. However, my husband seemed reluctant: he asked me to pay the initial holding deposit, then tried to pull out of the purchase at the last moment in December, and eventually did pay the majority of the deposit and stamp demanding reassurance we’d move to his hometown in 4 years.
At the same time, his mother became increasingly controlling, insisted we live in their area as this was the culturally acceptable thing, she undermined our house decisions, and told us our marriage was over both in january and august. When we moved into our home in January, my husband brought only a backpack and never truly settled.his family is very small it is literally his mum and sister and thats it which i feel amplifies her own dysfunction.
Between January and March, our relationship deteriorated. He stopped answering my calls, provoked me, filmed me in distress, and threatened to share the videos. By April he told me he wanted a divorce and moved out; I moved back in with my mum in May.
Since end of May he has been inconsistent—sometimes saying he wants to try, sometimes saying he doesn’t love me, accusing me of being after his money, refusing to contribute fairly to our joint finances despite being the main breadwinner. He threatened to call the police, so I made a few reports too.
Ive made errors too. During thw srparation i closed the joint account down and didny always lay him my share of the mortgage on time. It was often a week or two late for about 3 or 4 months but last month he withdrew the direct debit as punishment and made me pay more than my share (usually 30% but i paid 50% this month). He still hasnt paid his share so im worried it will go into arrears but he always pays things late or last minute.
Part of me still loves him and hopes the marriage can work; part of me is scared, unsure, and doesn’t know how to move forward. As soon as i filed the divorce papers the acrimony of the last 10 months disappeared and he said he wants to give things a go and even took me to an expensive very posh afternoon tea which id always wanted to do. I really feel scared to leave as im worried im leaving a good man and my life feels unbearable without him but thubgs arent all sunshine and rainbows with him. But in a way i just csnnkt at all imagine my life without this man in it and i feel so stuck. We are from the damr minority culutral background which is a major pull factor and at 35 im wofried ill br lefg alone and childless if i leave.
Can anyone provide any afvuce or has anyone been in something similar?