Wwyd?

[Mumoftwojune]

I’ll try and keep this brief.

I have been getting to know a guy at work, purely messaging at the moment and the odd face to face conversation at work. We work in the same company but not directly. I let slip to a work friend I thought he was cute and she played matchmaker.
It’s early days and no actual date yet but we vibe really well and seem to have lots in common. The messaging is daily and neither of us have lost interest in what has now been 2-3 weeks.

Now here is the issue, back in February I was in a bad place mentally and emotionally and ended up sleeping with another colleague. It was a one off, we were friends who simply got caught out seeking some sort of comfort from each other. Our relationship is platonic, we have remained friends and it’s in no way awkward. We don’t socialize outside of work though as I think we recognize that as a now unwritten and unspoken boundary.
A couple of friends at work are aware of the this but are discreet and loyal and haven’t said anything to anyone else, nor do I have reason to believe that would.

I would really like to progress things to the next level with the other guy but I am very worried about how he might feel about this.

my options as I see them are

1 - Don’t take things any further with this guy, therefore eliminating any tricky situation

2 - Have a couple of dates and come clean

3 - Continue and say nothing

option 2 I feel most aligns with my values, as if it were the other way around I feel I’d want to know and would appreciate the honesty. I don’t think I could viably take options 3 for fear of it coming out eventually and hurting him or him not trusting me.

of course, option 1 remains on the table but is this a bit extreme?

I also have no idea how he might react to the news and whether this would be a deal breaker for him.

WWYD?

Is there any need for this level of angst? What business is it of his who you slept with before you started seeing each other?

Yes, I have also thought this and would usually agree but it’s someone he also works with (though not directly) so it feels like I should ‘fess up?

Of course you don't need to fess up. It is highly likely that a whole variety of your colleagues have indulged in similar shenanigans. It is hardly unknown in the workplace.

None of his business. Just get to know him and leave the past where it is.

February was eight months ago. What you did or didn't do eight months ago is completely irrelevant to who you're dating now. It wouldn't occur to me to "confess" to this at all.

I think in general with new relationships it's a good idea to feel each other out by talking about things in the abstract. So rather than blurt out "so, I had a one night stand with someone you know" steer the conversation to a general "is it a good idea to know about your new partner's old flings, how much would you want to know, would it bother you" kind of talk. That's really good for sussing out red flags, too - if they say they get disproportionately jealous or weirded out by their partner's sexual history, run!

None of his business. Of course you don’t need to tell him, any more than you need to tell him about anyone else you have slept with. I dont get the issue really.

Thank you ladies, really appreciate your thoughts xx

Are you absolutely sure he hasn't already been informed by his work colleague?

yeah, I’m sure. The other guy wouldn’t, he’s very private and would rather eat his hat than let others know his business

How about not dating or sleeping with anyone from work.
Problem solved.

Why on earth would you consider telling him who you shagged 8 months ago? Would you expect him to tell you who he shagged 8 months ago?

Just carry on enjoying his company and leave the past in the past.

She's single, she can sleep with who she likes.

So what if you had sex once with a male work friend. If this other guy is put off you because of that then he's not worth your time in the first place.