Not sure what to do

[Notsureanymore987]

Db is an addict. Not seen him for a few years - sporadic text contact.He seems to blame other people including me for his problems - this goes back way before the addiction started. He’s had people trying to help him for years but he mostly rejects that help. He’s now in intensive care but stable and have been told he’s improving. I’m due to go away soon with my dd.I’ve had an absolutely terrible year and really need this short break - so does my dd. Several people I’ve spoken to have said I should still go as I need to look after myself and dd. I honestly feel like everything is totally overwhelming me and I can’t cope with much more.Any thoughts?

Of course you should go. He's survived this long while rejecting your help. Now he is in the one place where he is safe and you will be able to relax. It's the best time.

Go, happy in the knowledge that the NHS is looking after him at the moment. You can make whatever sisterly efforts are necessary, after you get back, when he is discharged and you have had a break.

Have a lovely time

He’s in a safe place & needs to rest. You can go away & see him when you’re back and he’s been stepped down to another ward. You sound lovely. Enjoy the break.x

As per your last thread, I'm not sure why you wouldn't go. You haven't seen him for years and have no relationship with him, so what would missing your holiday achieve?

@Theextraordinaryisintheordinary Thanks. . Tbh I’ve had very little to do with him over the last few years and I don’t think my visiting would help him or my health. Another family member keeps me updated. Coincidentally a few weeks ago I was considering blocking any contact with him at all as the drunken phones and blame are making my health issues so much worse.

Do go on holiday with your dd. You both need a break.

You cannot do anything to help your brother and people who’ve tried have just ended up enabling him which does not help anyone. The only person who can help your brother ultimately is his own self.

@Meadowfinch thank you. Whilst being in intensive care is a worry, at least he can’t feed his addiction there. I guess I partly fear the worst could happen when I’m away but assuming he survives this I could be in this position for years.

@AttilaTheMeerkat thank you. I do feel one relative is enabling him, with the best of intentions. As he knows this relative will always be there to help.

Bump

Please go on your holiday and have a lovely time with your DD, it sounds like you really need it and deserve it. Having an addict in your family is draining of your emotional resources and it sounds like you've carried this for a long time. Look after yourself lovely 💐

@Endofyear thank you ☺️. You’re right even though I’m not close to my b and haven’t seen him for years, the constant knowledge and various “incidents “ are very draining.