Last week I ended my LDR of over a year. We were very far apart (US/UK) and there was no way to bridge the gap without getting married.
We're both divorced (33/39) and have seen how badly things can go wrong, nothing is guaranteed. He has no savings, and no family. He's worked hard to get into a good position with his career after having gotten thrown out of college and having dealt with homelessness in his 20s. He was scared to leave his job in the U.S. and move to be with me and if things didn't work out, potentially be deported and even risk homelessness. I was scared too. I had a terrible divorce and dealt with a DV situation in my last relationship. I really wanted to live together before getting married as it's such a huge jump and I'm cautious due to my past.
I will add there were incompatibilities in the relationship. I wrote a post about his lack of basic cleanliness and household management, He had anxiety which I found triggering having grown up with a highly anxious parent. I often felt like his mum. I didn't always trust he would get things done. Despite him being a caring, intelligent, person, and very emotionally attuned, the last visit of one month wasn't so good and it was a relief to go home. Nevertheless I was deeply in love with him.
We did the 'logical' but gut wrenching thing of splitting up and now I am distraught. All I want is to figure things out with him as I love him so much. He's not interested in continuing which is very understandable. I think my anxious attachment and trauma is coming up and I'm panicking. I don't fully understand what I'm feeling it's hard to sort through.
Has anyone been here before? With the immigration system and with the doubt. Just looking to vent really as I'm processing and really sad and don't want to overburden friends and family.