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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was I correct to say something

18 replies

Darwenmum · 25/10/2025 20:00

Ds7 had just come back from football and wanted to show his grandad something before he left. Dashed upstairs to get it and on the way down slipped and fell downstairs. Grandad somehow managed to get his hand to his head before he hit the wall and got away with a grazed knee.

Ds a little sore I'm shaking so we sit down check him over all ok.

Ds asks to go to his bedroom with me, he doesn't want his dad to come in as he's scared he will be shouted at. I continue comforting him he doesn't want to go downstairs for tea because dad will be there, is said he wasn't and we went down for tea . Goes back up as it's getting towards bedtime. His dad came in a few mins later door hits something id moved earlier In the day i I get a what's that doing there. Storms off can hear him muttering in bedroom.

After a few more mins I went into see his dad to say you need to comfort him not tell him off , he said we'll he was was being silly ( never event saw the fall) I said he was not being silly , i get told off for something being out of place in the bedroom and not to tell him how to parent.

I go back to Ds my mum arrives for check on DS and me at which point do comes in and is civil.

When mum left Dp sat with Ds for a chat then I went in to get him to sleep.

do barely speaking to me currently sat in other room but I'm fuming Ds shouldn't be hiding because he's hurt himself and scared of being told off.

He now has a new appreciation for stairs and I'm grateful he's ok and s little shaken and the only person looking out for me is my mum.

OP posts:
Zempy · 25/10/2025 20:12

I don’t understand this at all.

Why did DS get so worried about what his dad would say about him hurting himself? It doesn’t make sense.

Does DH have form for being aggressive over random things?

Balloonhearts · 25/10/2025 20:14

Why is he scared of his dad?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/10/2025 20:22

You need to make this man your ex partner. Is he your son’s father?.

What is the situation re the property and finances?.

What do you want to teach your son about relationships and what is he learning here?. This is no relationship example to be showing him.

You are not a rehab center for some badly raised man who can be civil to your mother but gives you the silent treatment when she’s gone.

Your relationship now is over in all aspects.
He is abusive towards you and in turn your son. Your son is telling you loud and clear he does not want his dad to come in for fear he will be shouted at. He’s got reason to be saying that.

You are now on the receiving end of silent treatment aka emotional abuse from this bloke. Do contact Womens Aid when he is out and plan your exit with due care.

You have a choice re him and your son does not. Put your son and you first now.

Unlichtie · 25/10/2025 20:22

It all sounds a bit dramatic for a grazed knee. Why are you shaking, why is your DM needing to check on both of you at all.

Darwenmum · 25/10/2025 21:37

Yes Dp can get upset over small things and raise his voice.

I was shaking because I just saw my son fall downstairs head first

My mum came to check he and I wereok as grandad phoned her

OP posts:
Endofyear · 25/10/2025 22:02

Sorry OP but this is a little confusing, is this man your partner/husband? Why is your child afraid of him? If he shouts at a child for accidentally falling on the stairs, why on earth are you with him? Your little boy is 7, he needs protecting from his abusive father. Are you making plans to leave?

BallerinaRadio · 26/10/2025 05:15

So dad wasn't there for the fall? How would he have known about it and subsequently been annoyed then?

The timeline is throwing me right off it's very confusing

Shoxfordian · 26/10/2025 05:35

How did he know about it? He sounds quite volatile, and your son is scared of him. Its not great

Enrichetta · 26/10/2025 06:05

Read WHY DOES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft (free pdf online)
Call Women’s Aid
Do the Freedom Programme
Make plans to leave.
Seriously: you cannot stay with this man.
Your son deserves better.
As do you.

Darwenmum · 26/10/2025 06:16

Dad was in the bedroom so would have heard the fall and subsequent conversation.

OP posts:
THISbitchingwitch · 26/10/2025 06:20

It does sound as if DS is scared of him. Is that the childhood you want for him? My ex could be like this, makes you feel all on eggshells. You would (and ds) be happier without him

THISbitchingwitch · 26/10/2025 06:20

Darwenmum · 26/10/2025 06:16

Dad was in the bedroom so would have heard the fall and subsequent conversation.

He didnt come to see all was ok?

No5ChalksRoad · 26/10/2025 06:28

He is abusive. Why are you subjecting your child to this damaging atmosphere?

Floweryfrock23 · 26/10/2025 06:35

This does sound like a very dramatic, highly charged situation with the adults around this child being very OTT about a situation that came to essentially a grazed knee.

That dynamic to me sounds like it accelerated the child’s reaction when it could have been handled differently, comforting the child, as in a plaster on the raze and a cheerful “ that was a close one pal!” allowing everyone to just carry on with their day.

Dad sound like an areshole that said, he sounds like he needs to be dealt with and gone.

Plugsocketrocket · 26/10/2025 06:40

My father was like your DH, zero empathy and quick to anger. I was very afraid of him growing up. I’ve since realised he was and still is a bully. I went to mediation with him over something extremely serious and the mediator told me he was abusive. It blew my mind, even as an adult I had never realised.

queenofwandss · 26/10/2025 07:42

OP please speak to someone in real life about this. It sounds like very worrying behaviour from this thread, and it sounds like you were quite shaken up and scared yourself? His behaviour sounds controlling and abusive.

user793847984375948 · 26/10/2025 10:17

You're living with someone who actively dislikes you and your child. Why not leave? Why do this until you die?

CurlewKate · 26/10/2025 10:52

He sounds awful. You need to think if he is the person you want your child to learn to be a partner and father from, and if not, to plan some changes. On a different point, you all need to be less dramatic about accidents. They happen. Your son wasn’t hurt. Worse things will happen at football.

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