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Original poster

Ex fiance dating whilst we still live together

27 replies

Hoolahoop4 · 25/10/2025 19:59

Just that. He isn’t hiding it. Brings her clothes into the house (it’s his house) and leaves them in plain sight so he doesn’t forget to return the garment during the next date. We have a baby. I am buying my own place but it’s taking way longer than anticipated. I hate this situation, I feel disrespected but also like I can’t really say anything because it’s none of my business

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 25/10/2025 21:01

It sucks and yes, it’s disrespectful; and I imagine he’s doing it so transparently because he knows it upsets you and that’s his aim. Muster all the strength you can to cover that up and act like you simply haven’t noticed the clothing or his comings and goings: raising it is simply going to give him the feedback he wants, along with giving him the opportunity to say “it’s my house, if you don’t like it, you can leave tomorrow.”

And make sure that he’s doing his fair share of parenting your baby. Do you have any friends or family who you could go out to for a day or an evening whilst telling him it’s his turn to stay home and parent, and making sure not to tell him exactly where you’re going or who with?

Leopardspota · 25/10/2025 21:06

What an arse. Keep your dignity,
ignore. But know that every time he pulls this shits he’s showing you the person he really is (either reinforcing your decision to leave him or giving you a reason to be pleased you’re no longer together). There’s no way it’s accidental. He’s a tosser who is looking for a reaction.

SillyJilly2020 · 25/10/2025 21:24

How reasonable is he as a person. Maybe if you spoke to him. Say " this is hard for me, if you need the apartment for a night I can make myself scarce but I would prefer not to see any of your relationship" if he is trying to hurt you its best to try ignore and get out of their asap

outerspacepotato · 25/10/2025 21:31

It's his house. It's reasonable for him to start dating, you're split up. He doesn't have to hide it because your home purchase is taking longer than you thought.

How long have you been split up? If it's a few days, well, shit. If it's been months, you need to get a move on. Are you splitting co-parenting time while you're still living there? If so, go do something outside the home when it's his custodial time.

That said, I personally wouldn't date someone whose ex fiancee was still living with him even though broken up and they had a baby recently. He should be spending his time learning to co-parent and concentrate on his child.

SillyJilly2020 · 25/10/2025 22:02

outerspacepotato · 25/10/2025 21:31

It's his house. It's reasonable for him to start dating, you're split up. He doesn't have to hide it because your home purchase is taking longer than you thought.

How long have you been split up? If it's a few days, well, shit. If it's been months, you need to get a move on. Are you splitting co-parenting time while you're still living there? If so, go do something outside the home when it's his custodial time.

That said, I personally wouldn't date someone whose ex fiancee was still living with him even though broken up and they had a baby recently. He should be spending his time learning to co-parent and concentrate on his child.

Its a complete dick move to not do it quietly. No need to rub her nose in it

Missj25 · 25/10/2025 22:12

Hoolahoop4 · 25/10/2025 19:59

Just that. He isn’t hiding it. Brings her clothes into the house (it’s his house) and leaves them in plain sight so he doesn’t forget to return the garment during the next date. We have a baby. I am buying my own place but it’s taking way longer than anticipated. I hate this situation, I feel disrespected but also like I can’t really say anything because it’s none of my business

Bringing items of her clothes into the house is just weird anyway , do you know what I mean ?
What , she leaves them in his car, & then he brings them into house until he meets her again to return them ? Like how does that make sense ..🙄..
It doesn’t… He’s doing it to piss you off ..
You’d imagine he’d act like a grown up , aren’t you well rid of him OP , hope you get to move out soon x

GreenClock · 25/10/2025 22:18

This is disrespectful. Yes he is a free agent, but he should be more discreet.

LavenderRagdoll · 25/10/2025 23:27

My friends H did this to her when they had split up and were selling the house.

He was a nasty piece of work and tried to destroy her in every way he could.

Be strong and don’t ever let the nasty bastard see you’re upset 💐

Sleepyandtiredandlazy · 26/10/2025 21:27

There doesn't seem any logical reason for him bringing her clothing into the house other than to upset you OP. What type of clothing is it that he is deliberately flaunting ?

I agree with pp. Don't let him see you are upset.

And yes make sure he is doing his share of parenting his child.

Does this woman know he has a baby and he is still sharing a home with you? If so it sounds as though this nasty man has found a suitable new partner.

I hope you are able to move out of this ASAP.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 26/10/2025 21:30

How long ago did you split up?

TaraFalls · 26/10/2025 21:31

I can’t see any reason for him to bring a woman’s clothes into the house unless her washing machine has broken down. I’d totally ignore it. If he does have a girlfriend, I feel sorry for her.

Original poster
Hoolahoop4 · 27/10/2025 05:55

Thank you all for your answers. We split up just over 4 months ago (I ended things) and we agreed that I would buy (he is not helping in any way financially) rather than go into renting for the stability of our toddler. I found a house and should be moving soon and all I asked of him is time for the house to complete. He regularly ‘reminds’ me that I need to get out of his house as I am there to ‘his detriment’ despite knowing very well that we both decided that this was the best way forward for our child

OP posts:
rwalker · 27/10/2025 06:32

I’m a bit on the fence I must be very hard to be dumped then still have them living with you and seeing you everyday
on a practical point of view it’s best for your toddler but it must be hard all round

Soontobe60 · 27/10/2025 06:40

You need to move out asap - is there any family you can go to? Staying in the same house isn’t going to do your child any good as the atmosphere must be awful!

Missj25 · 27/10/2025 06:57

rwalker · 27/10/2025 06:32

I’m a bit on the fence I must be very hard to be dumped then still have them living with you and seeing you everyday
on a practical point of view it’s best for your toddler but it must be hard all round

Edited

Now that I read what rwalker says , that is true too ..
It must be very hard ..

DaisyDoodler · 27/10/2025 07:02

rwalker · 27/10/2025 06:32

I’m a bit on the fence I must be very hard to be dumped then still have them living with you and seeing you everyday
on a practical point of view it’s best for your toddler but it must be hard all round

Edited

Exactly this. It’s just prolonging a difficult situation. What is practically best can still be emotionally damaging. I think you’ve hurt him and he’s now hurting you in return. Is there nowhere else you can go whilst waiting for your house purchase to complete?

Original poster
Hoolahoop4 · 27/10/2025 07:02

It’s hard for both of us but we are adults and there is a small chikd in the mix. No, I don’t have any family here so can’t just move out. We sat down and agreed that rather than moving our child twice, we would live together until I’ve completed on my purchase.
Please don’t assume that I left a lovely man for no reason either because I don’t know many new mothers that would take that step unless having no other choice

OP posts:
Missj25 · 27/10/2025 07:20

Hoolahoop4 · 27/10/2025 07:02

It’s hard for both of us but we are adults and there is a small chikd in the mix. No, I don’t have any family here so can’t just move out. We sat down and agreed that rather than moving our child twice, we would live together until I’ve completed on my purchase.
Please don’t assume that I left a lovely man for no reason either because I don’t know many new mothers that would take that step unless having no other choice

Ah OP , apologies, look at loads of us here getting sucked in by on line , when it’s so hard to know anything when we don’t know you guys in real life or your situation…
That makes a lot of sense , there isn’t many new moms with a small baby/toddler that will finish relationship & choose to be alone unless things are shit , that must be hard x x

DaisyDoodler · 27/10/2025 08:34

Hoolahoop4 · 27/10/2025 07:02

It’s hard for both of us but we are adults and there is a small chikd in the mix. No, I don’t have any family here so can’t just move out. We sat down and agreed that rather than moving our child twice, we would live together until I’ve completed on my purchase.
Please don’t assume that I left a lovely man for no reason either because I don’t know many new mothers that would take that step unless having no other choice

I don’t think anyone is assuming that. Just pointing out that this IS a difficult situation for you ALL. I’m assuming your child in that too as kids pick up on any tension or bad feeling and it sounds like there must be from what you describe. If there was an alternative option then that may be easier for you all. If not then you may have no choice but to suck it up or argue your way through, neither of which is great. If he was bothered enough to listen to reason then I think he would have done that by now so I don’t think talking will get you anywhere now.

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 08:42

If you dumped him, can’t blame him for being fed up of you living in his house.

What about him changed between conception of the child and birth of the child, out of curiosity. Must have done a pretty speedy transformation.

Viviennemary · 27/10/2025 08:43

Its a difficult situation for you both. You ended the relationship and he wants to move on with his life which I think is reasonable and it is his house. You would have been better moving out into temporary rented accommodation. I dont think your can dictate what he does in his own house.

FuzzyWolf · 27/10/2025 08:59

Four months is a long time to be staying in his house after ending the relationship. Just because he agreed with you about only one move being in the best interest of his child doesn’t mean he would have otherwise tolerated you being there for so long.

His actions are not tactful of him and I wonder whether he’s actually trying to speed up getting you out of the house because you are taking so long. There does come a point when a relationship is over, a new one has started and really the ex should be gone. Given it’s his house, I think you’ve gone past that stage.

You could always look for a short term rental if your sale is still dragging.

Elixir86 · 27/10/2025 09:24

He’s your ex-fiancé, people don’t get engaged without making a serious commitment. Yes, it’s his house, but you were engaged, which means he fully intended it to be your home too. He’s acting like a complete jerk only four months after the breakup, and he’s already involved enough with someone new that her belongings are in the house.

It’s deliberate. He’s doing it to provoke a reaction, either to make you upset or to start an argument. Try not to give him that satisfaction. Vent to your friends instead, and be grateful you’re no longer tied to him.

I lived amicably with my ex-husband for 18 months after our split. It wasn’t easy and we both dated (or attempted to) during that time from what I am aware but we were discreet and respectful about it.

If he’s a trustworthy father, set up a clear arrangement where he takes responsibility for your child on certain days or evenings. When you’re free, use that time for yourself. Go for coffee, catch a movie, have dinner, whether alone or with friends. Just don’t share your plans with him. That will show you genuinely don’t care about the unfortunate woman who’s now caught up in his chaos.
I don't think I'd be wanting to date someone who'd just split from their fiancé that recently and was still living with them. It doesn't really show him in a good light at all regardless of who initiated the breakdown of the relationship.

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 09:27

Viviennemary · 27/10/2025 08:43

Its a difficult situation for you both. You ended the relationship and he wants to move on with his life which I think is reasonable and it is his house. You would have been better moving out into temporary rented accommodation. I dont think your can dictate what he does in his own house.

Agree.

If the child is a baby it really wouldn’t notice one move or two moves.

SillyJilly2020 · 27/10/2025 09:35

Maybe he is trying to get you to leave? Maybe he just cant stand it any more