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Original poster

Is he over explaining because he's lying.

21 replies

Jojo123425 · 25/10/2025 09:29

Hi, I'm a 42 year old woman who's been dating a 48 year old man for the last 9 weeks. We've been going on one date a week due to the fact that he says he's busy during the week with work, his children who are 19 and 13, going to church once a week and he has said that he likes his down time a few times a week. Our dates have always been on Fridays. This Friday just gone (yesterday)was the first time that he cancelled on me. He said that he cancelled because he had his children over the weekend. I do believe this is true as he has them every other weekend, but when he's had them on previous weekends in the past it's never effected us meeting up on the Friday. I will say I met him online and because of this I'm starting to think that he's cancelled on me because he's dated someone else on this Friday then had his children on the Saturday and Sunday (today and tomorrow).Yesterday morning I messaged him to say that I hope he has a good day at work. He did reply and we had a very brief conversation with him sending the last message saying "enjoy your day". He knew I saw that last message because I put a thumbs up emoji to end the conversation. A little while after, I noticed he had edited his message from "enjoy your day" to "enjoy your day, I'm picking up the kids after I finish work at 5pm" . I can't understand why he felt the need to explain that he's picking up the kids at a particular time of 5pm. Why do I need to know the time that he's picking them up? Normally he just says things like " I'm seeing the kids later " without saying an actual time. Not only that but what's the point in going back into his message to add something to it when I had already seen it? I felt like he really wanted me to know that he was picking up the kids at 5pm. It seemed on this occasion that he was over explaining himself when he doesn't normally do this. Normally when people over explain themselves when this isn't their normal behaviour is because they're trying to cover up something that they are hiding hence why I think he may of cancelled our Friday night date to date someone else that evening. What does anyone else think on this? What do you think on people over explain in situations like this when that is not their normal behaviour?

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 25/10/2025 09:33

Jesus
Chill out

Notsuchafattynow · 25/10/2025 09:36

After 9 weeks I'd note it it my head and carry on as usual. But probably let any further contact be initiated by him.

See what happens.

Options are:

  1. He's telling the truth
  2. He's only after sex and bored of waiting (only true if you've not dtd)
  3. He's married and something came up he could'nt get out of

I'd be looking out for 2 or 3.

Original poster
Jojo123425 · 25/10/2025 09:44

Notsuchafattynow · 25/10/2025 09:36

After 9 weeks I'd note it it my head and carry on as usual. But probably let any further contact be initiated by him.

See what happens.

Options are:

  1. He's telling the truth
  2. He's only after sex and bored of waiting (only true if you've not dtd)
  3. He's married and something came up he could'nt get out of

I'd be looking out for 2 or 3.

Edited

We've already slept together. I don't think he's married though as I've been to his flat on several occasions and there's only signs of him living there and no one else.

OP posts:
BoxOfCats · 25/10/2025 09:47

Have you posted about this guy before recently? Only ever meets you on Fridays? He doesn’t sound like he’s actually giving you what you need. Move on and don’t waste any more time with him.

Notsuchafattynow · 25/10/2025 09:49

Maybe you are his Friday night shag?

I think I'd want to be more than that. Toss him back OP.

Shouldhavelovedathunderbird · 25/10/2025 09:56

My last relationship was a bit like this. 6 months in he said he was going to his sister's house one evening and was then unconcatable until the early hours. He described dinner, drinks and falling asleep on the sofa. The next day a photo appeared on social media of him at some sort of night out with friends. Four years later I discovered a whole affair so the pattern was there from the start. I was not a partner in his eyes.

Keep you eyes open. Over explaining when not requested, space, scheduled and rigid contact were all things I noted too. Its been 9 weeks, I'd cut your losses.

Original poster
Jojo123425 · 25/10/2025 10:02

BoxOfCats · 25/10/2025 09:47

Have you posted about this guy before recently? Only ever meets you on Fridays? He doesn’t sound like he’s actually giving you what you need. Move on and don’t waste any more time with him.

Yes I have posted before about the same guy

OP posts:
Original poster
Jojo123425 · 25/10/2025 10:03

Notsuchafattynow · 25/10/2025 09:49

Maybe you are his Friday night shag?

I think I'd want to be more than that. Toss him back OP.

The thing is, we don't always have sex on a Friday. In the 9 weeks we've been dating I've slept with him on three occasions. The rest have been just dates.

OP posts:
Alltheusefulitems · 25/10/2025 10:07

If you've only been seeing him for 9 weeks and twice you've posted on Mumsnet about him you need to end it and move on

Original poster
Jojo123425 · 25/10/2025 10:08

Shouldhavelovedathunderbird · 25/10/2025 09:56

My last relationship was a bit like this. 6 months in he said he was going to his sister's house one evening and was then unconcatable until the early hours. He described dinner, drinks and falling asleep on the sofa. The next day a photo appeared on social media of him at some sort of night out with friends. Four years later I discovered a whole affair so the pattern was there from the start. I was not a partner in his eyes.

Keep you eyes open. Over explaining when not requested, space, scheduled and rigid contact were all things I noted too. Its been 9 weeks, I'd cut your losses.

I'm pretty sure I've seen other signs e.g we always meet on a Friday, he always says he can't meet any other day. He always initiates contact on Thursdays but never in the conversation does he ask for a date for the next day. It's always me that does the asking. When he cancelled the other day, he didn't attempt to reschedule either. Yet again it's was me asking for a date on another day.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 25/10/2025 10:13

Wasn't your last thread about it always being you who initiated dates? I think you were advised to not initiate the next date and see what happens. It sounds like you are making all the running here OP. I would just dial back on your effort and you'll see if he's actually interested or not.

carmak · 25/10/2025 10:18

Who knows if he's a liar? Only time will tell, are you prepared to wait?

Firsttimecommentor · 25/10/2025 10:54

Jojo123425 · 25/10/2025 09:29

Hi, I'm a 42 year old woman who's been dating a 48 year old man for the last 9 weeks. We've been going on one date a week due to the fact that he says he's busy during the week with work, his children who are 19 and 13, going to church once a week and he has said that he likes his down time a few times a week. Our dates have always been on Fridays. This Friday just gone (yesterday)was the first time that he cancelled on me. He said that he cancelled because he had his children over the weekend. I do believe this is true as he has them every other weekend, but when he's had them on previous weekends in the past it's never effected us meeting up on the Friday. I will say I met him online and because of this I'm starting to think that he's cancelled on me because he's dated someone else on this Friday then had his children on the Saturday and Sunday (today and tomorrow).Yesterday morning I messaged him to say that I hope he has a good day at work. He did reply and we had a very brief conversation with him sending the last message saying "enjoy your day". He knew I saw that last message because I put a thumbs up emoji to end the conversation. A little while after, I noticed he had edited his message from "enjoy your day" to "enjoy your day, I'm picking up the kids after I finish work at 5pm" . I can't understand why he felt the need to explain that he's picking up the kids at a particular time of 5pm. Why do I need to know the time that he's picking them up? Normally he just says things like " I'm seeing the kids later " without saying an actual time. Not only that but what's the point in going back into his message to add something to it when I had already seen it? I felt like he really wanted me to know that he was picking up the kids at 5pm. It seemed on this occasion that he was over explaining himself when he doesn't normally do this. Normally when people over explain themselves when this isn't their normal behaviour is because they're trying to cover up something that they are hiding hence why I think he may of cancelled our Friday night date to date someone else that evening. What does anyone else think on this? What do you think on people over explain in situations like this when that is not their normal behaviour?

Honestly 9 weeks in it’s just not worth it if there’s drama already.

Beautifulbouquet · 25/10/2025 10:57

A guy who only wants to see you once a week isn't keen.

The rest doesn't really matter.

FrauPaige · 25/10/2025 11:07

Once a week in itself is not an issue, in my mind. He's 48, he has a life, he has met someone - yes, but he doesn't need to clear his schedule to see them everyday.

What is concerning is the limited communication and rigid date timings.

Either way, 2 months in and feeling a distinct lack of interest? Next...

TwistedWonder · 25/10/2025 12:16

Honestly if a man you’ve only seen once a week for 2 months is getting so much headspace then it’s best end it now to save yourself months/years of turmoil and overthinking

BadgernTheGarden · 25/10/2025 12:24

He probably thought the 'enjoy your day' had a why aren't you spending it with me vibe, so he was reiterating that he couldn't by emphasising the time he was meeting his kids.

Suednymph · 25/10/2025 22:22

You are a once a week booty call, no more no less. Walk away.

Hunniepie · 25/10/2025 22:27

9 weeks is quite a while OP. Run! Just block him.

Beautifulbouquet · 26/10/2025 00:34

FrauPaige · 25/10/2025 11:07

Once a week in itself is not an issue, in my mind. He's 48, he has a life, he has met someone - yes, but he doesn't need to clear his schedule to see them everyday.

What is concerning is the limited communication and rigid date timings.

Either way, 2 months in and feeling a distinct lack of interest? Next...

There's a world of normality that resides between once a week and clearing his calender "every day".

There's approximately 24 hours a week he isn't sleeping, working or seeing his kids...and he spends about ten per cent with the OP.

A guy who spends longer scrolling his phone or watching TV than being with you is really not bothered and not a catch.

FrauPaige · 26/10/2025 05:14

Beautifulbouquet · 26/10/2025 00:34

There's a world of normality that resides between once a week and clearing his calender "every day".

There's approximately 24 hours a week he isn't sleeping, working or seeing his kids...and he spends about ten per cent with the OP.

A guy who spends longer scrolling his phone or watching TV than being with you is really not bothered and not a catch.

Show quote history

I suppose it depends on what sort of man you are dating. Not all men watch TV and sit scrolling endlessly on their phones.

Some have child related commitments, caring commitments, voluntary and charitable commitments, classes in the evening for retraining/professional development, odd shifts at work, time consuming hobbies, long term interests, deep friendships, frequent interaction with family - the list is literally endless.

All of those things apply to many of us as well, so many women won't have time to date more than once a week.

It all depends on who you are, and who you are dating.

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