Is this a friend?

[Littlebluedot]

So I've confided in this friend about my mum who is very narcissistic and toxic and it's been getting me down so I've confided in said friend, I also confided in her about another friend that has been bitching about us all.

Anyway I sent her a pic I saw on Facebook that said "It's a credit to your character that you don't understand why people do unkind things, so instead of despairing and picking apart someone's lack of compassion, celebrate the fact that yours is abundant enough to never treat people that way"

She then replied with

I'm sorry that you don't think I was supportive. I was trying not to get involved. Please don't complain to me again about anyone. It's been quite draining this week. I've tried to help and advise you, but it's getting me down because you've gone over the same thing on different occasions when we've met up and it's been getting me down and I'm not good at helping people with their emotions. I never know what to say apart from offer practical advise and tell them it might not be how it comes across. And that's not always helpful when someone says to give them the benefit of doubt. I hope you understand because your friendship is important to me x

I just feel really hurt by that because it's her whose brought it up at times and I try and be supportive to her because I thought that's what friends were for.

I'm just wondering if to continue with the friendship.

So this is tricky and your friend is understandably upset. I would immediately apologise, say after reflection you realise you were wrong to send it, you didn't think it through. She seems an honest person, she may accept that. Take this on the chin as poor judgement. I recently had to go no contact with a former friend because after being supportive for over a year with her various issues, she sent me an out of the blue message - had also sent one to my husband which enraged me! - to say don't I mean anything to you anymore. I was furious and ended up sending a long list of all the attempts I had made in previous year to be supportive, often with no response. Because I gave up towards the end as she obviously didn't want to know she tried to transfer her bad feelings onto me. That was the end of our friendship. Don't become that kind of friend. Try to fix this now.

The thing you sent is a bit confusing and I think you have sent it with one (mistaken) meaning and she has read it with a different (correct) meaning which is actually a sly dig so not what you intended to say at all.

You meant well but this was lost in translation.

Explain that to your friend and also note that some people don’t do emotional support in friendships and others do. This particular friend is clearly in the “don’t” camp.

I am one of those who, like you, will both offer and request emotional support at times and I have learned which friends I have this sort of deeper relationship with and which friends can only do practical or more superficial stuff.

I am in therapy at the moment but haven't been for long but your completely right, I need to keep that shit for therapy, I think I expect too much from friends which again isn't healthy or fair.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I hope you are ok ❤️ I'm obviously a very damaged person from what I've been through and I need to just be more self aware but I appreciate all the advice, it's helpful to see it from an outsiders pov.