How did you know when to leave?

[Marriagewoes3]

My DH & I have been married almost 4 years. We have a young child. The marriage is over from my perspective.

H keeps talking me out of ending things. I worry about hurting H if I unilaterally end it & how nasty he’ll be with finances & child arrangements. How do you know when it’s time to take the plunge & separate?

When you're asking questions like this, it's probably time to end it. I don't think I could come back from thinking so poorly of my husband I'm wondering if he will weaponise my child or money against me.

Why are you wanting to leave?

I think all the things your worried about will happen anyway. Its just a matter of timing. I think we put it off due to fear of the unknown and fear of the reaction. Ultimately, its a matter of time. How much longer your prepared to drag it out and how all of that impact you and your MH.

When we had our child & started to adapt to parenthood, I realised we were never really suited to each other & the stress of parenting brings that to the surface.
H had a big fall out with my family this year. I think he has behaved appallingly & can’t see his perspective. I’m very close to my family & hate feeling ‘estranged’ in that I visit home but, H won’t come & my family won’t visit us. We live across the country from my family for context.

This is a very good point @Anonymous23456 . I can’t control how nasty he becomes by dragging it out. The irony is that I definitely don’t want to hurt him but I know he won’t feel the same about me once we’ve split.

Start getting ducks in a row, finding out about benefits, trying to put money aside see a solicitor etc first get some bits sorted firat

You need to focus on what you can control and let go of what you can't. I don't do GOD but the serenity prayer comes to mind. You can't control his reaction or how he behaves. All you can do is take control over your life and control how you react to him.

theres never a right time, theres always something that gets in the way eg christmas, birthdays, death, holidays. Just do it. Youre at the point of no return here. Psyche yourself up with the thought that youre unhappy and lifes too short and go forward with arrangements. Best of luck x

Thank you all. I know you are all right & I need to get it done. At least we’ll both be free & our child will (eventually, hopefully) have happy parents.