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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Kids have met ex’s partner but won’t meet mine

6 replies

Undertheblanket1 · 24/10/2025 19:55

2 girls 17 & 13
Separated from ex-husband for 18 months, we still get on fine. They share their time between us, I’m still in the ‘family home’.
Ex met someone pretty much straight away after we split, girls met her earlier this year, they’ve stayed at her house & been on holiday with her & her children.
I met someone last year, we split briefly in Feb this year, but been together about a year. I left asking the girls to meet him because I didn’t want there to be too much going on for them in terms of meeting new partners.
However, when I approached it with them in the summer about meeting him they were very dismissive. I left it & haven’t mentioned it again but I’d obviously like them to meet him.

Has anyone been through something similar? I just don’t know where to go with it now. I only see my partner when I don’t have the girls but my ex, his partner & the girls spend time together.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 24/10/2025 20:03

Did they tell you why they didn't want to meet him? You'd been back with him for less than six months when you asked them - maybe they think it's far too soon and they aren't convinced it will last? Maybe they are concerned that meeting him might be a gateway to him potentially living with you and they don't want another man in their home? Or it could be that they feel comfortable with your ex's partner because she is also female as are they?

If they haven't told you why then I think you need to leave things as they are for now - you raised it, they declined - see how things are once you have been together for a solid year - so next March.

Jellybunny56 · 24/10/2025 20:35

If I was them I wouldn’t be too bothered about meeting someone you’ve only been with a year and already broke up with once in that time, not worth the hassle of meeting someone who will be leaving my life as quickly as they entered it because if you’re already having break up worthy issues in the honeymoon period it’s not going to go the distance seamlessly anyway.

BallerinaRadio · 24/10/2025 20:47

Yeah if you've already split within the first year they probably don't think it's worth their time getting to know him

Abracadabrador · 24/10/2025 20:51

To a teenage girl, being made to meet your mum's boyfriend is not enjoyable. It's awkward and they'll feel vulnerable, there is zero benefit to them in meeting the man.
why not just enjoy dating without making kids be involved?

Givemeachaitealatte · 24/10/2025 20:57

If it's anything like my children, they didn't particularly want to meet or spend time with my ex's girlfriend but we're forced. They have categorically said they do not want me to ha e a boyfriend or have anyone live in their home. I'm fine with that at the moment because I have no desire to.

As annoying as it is OP, they probably don't like spending time with new girlfriend or her children either they just don't feel they can say it. Be their safe space and respect what they are saying. They will come around.

Neverflyingagain · 25/10/2025 11:36

The key difference is probably that you gave your girls the choice. Their father probably just made it happen, and they don't get any say in things.
As pp said, your relationship isn't the most stable, so the kids saying no has probably been a good thing. Hopefully if it becomes more stable you can broach the subject again if things look like they might go the distance.

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