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Does this have mileage?

7 replies

Tinytears12 · 24/10/2025 12:32

I've been friends with a man in his late fifties for 3 years. This Feb just gone, the dynamic in our relationship changed. He noticed me and I noticed him. We have been texting on and off since. I usually make the first moves, to text him, to go see him, to invite him round. We have kissed, nothing more, but again I made the move each time. The last time we met, I kissed him, and he really kissed me back! He seemed much more passionately involved, he moved his hands over me and it was a nice sensual experience, but he sort of stopped himself from going further. But he clearly didn't want to leave. We made conversation, and I asked him whether he liked me kissing him I said I didn't want to make him feel awkward. His reply was, "I'm a man, I don't want to take advantage of you." He seemed genuine.

Is this man just reserved and shy perhaps? When I text him he replies within nanoseconds. Sometimes he doesn't text back at all however. I know, that if I didn't text him again from hereon in, I wouldn't hear from him and yet my intuition tells me he'd be annoyed that I wasn't reaching out and might feel that I am playing him.

I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt because his body language tells me all I need to know when we're face to face. But he just seems so reserved that it's quite hard to see if this has any future.

The other odd thing is that just before he came to see me yesterday he texted me asking me to remind him of my address. I was so confused! He knows where I live, he totally knows where I live and this man is not the type of person who forgets details.

What are your thoughts please?

OP posts:
pusspuss9 · 24/10/2025 13:21

@Tinytears12

very strange. I would give it more time and go cautioiusly. It could be that he's very shy

RosiePosie007 · 24/10/2025 13:26

I know, that if I didn't text him again from hereon in, I wouldn't hear from him and yet my intuition tells me he'd be annoyed that I wasn't reaching out and might feel that I am playing him.

It’s going nowhere. He sounds weird and controlling.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 24/10/2025 13:27

No idea on most of it, but on the address thing, has he possibly bought you flowers or something and is having them delivered?

I've got loads of people where I know exactly where they live, as in I could drive to their house, but I've no idea what their actual address is

LifeSurvior · 24/10/2025 13:36

Sounds like he is playing hard to get OP which isn't an attractive quality in a man in his fifties.
I couldn't be bothered with game playing at this stage in life.
In young people it's part of learning about relationships but I always think there is an element of control when it's done by grown men ( and women)
I suppose its up to you whether you want to spend the time in coaxing him into moving it along or not.

tarheelbaby · 24/10/2025 13:40

Gently, it sounds one-sided. You initiate and he responds in kind up to a point but he doesn't seem to be initiating.

When a man wants to date, he can't keep away. So, kindly, it sounds to me like 'he's just not that into you'.

His comment about 'not taking advantage of you' is actually that: he knows he'd be using you and at least has the decency to try not to.

When you say that if you didn't text him, he wouldn't text you but would be annoyed that you weren't texting that is, as MN says, a red flag that YOU are reading too much into things. You don't actually know that he'd be annoyed but trying to guess/anticipate his moods, without any actual proof, and respond to these imagined moods, is not sensible on your part.

When another person is keen on a relationship, either friendship or romantic, that person takes an active part. Your other friends text when they think of you, invite you to meet or to visit their houses. This man does not do those things.

So, kindly, it sounds to me like 'he's just not that into you'.

TwistedWonder · 24/10/2025 13:45

Are you a similar age yo him or younger OP?

The address thing isn’t a big deal. I know where my friends live but often ask again if I’m driving so I can have directions

Tbh I agree with PP it doesnt seem he’s looking at you as a potential parter

Arrivederla · 24/10/2025 13:48

Could he already be in a relationship that you don't know about? It sounds to me like this 'friendship' is important to you and central to your life, but on the periphery of his...

Anyway, I have to say I wouldn't waste my time on someone who has to be coaxed along like this - life's too short.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

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