What do I do

[Ablq]

I’m unhappy in my relationship. The reality is I’ve been treated badly for years and while he is not as spiteful anymore he is very lazy and does the bare minimum all of the time. He doesn’t work at the moment, but doesn’t help anymore at home. We live with our two boys and his two girls but I’m the main carer for all kids, while also working full time. Everytime I ask him to leave I have extreme guilt about the kids. I know I am not happy and I almost feel as though I’m starting to resent him. Everytime we argue all the horrible things race through my head and it feels like a big barrier. What can I do?

Honestly? I think you need to leave him. You’re working full time while he’s doing nothing and he isn’t even picking up the slack at home. I’ve been quite unhappy in my marriage for years and I really think that we’d all be happier if I’d had the courage to leave when the children were younger. Don’t be like me.
Do you own your home together? Are you married?
I know you feel guilty about the children but it will be better for you and for them in the long run.

Why did you put up with him being spiteful? If he doesn’t work and doesn’t help in the home, what does he do? Is this really an example you want before your boys, that it’s OK to be an unpleasant drone? Surely your boys would be better off if you were to leave - the losers, unfortunately, would be his girls. Where is their mother in this equation? You need to sit down and decide what is in the best interests of your family, OP - no point being a martyr, because eventually all the DC will leave home, and you’ll be left as a skivvy to your ungrateful partner.

Is he looking for work, don't tolerate a cocklodger.

Hi All,

He says he is looking for work but I don’t really believe him. He’s been unemployed since July (he quit his job just after pressuring me to book a holiday in instalments). We are not married, I private rent and it is in my name. Girls mother is not around. Really I’ve stayed because I have no other family support near me, his mum is my lifeline as she helps me with school runs/babysitting.

Honestly I feel very trapped. I’ve kicked him out a few times but he always will come back. For example, Once I woke up in the morning and he was asleep in the front room.

Leave. The resentment doesn’t get any better and I promise you, you’ll eventually hate him
I stuck it out for 10 years, when he decided he wanted to pull his finger out and be a decent partner and father the love had gone and I’d already had an emotional affair. Set yourself free!

It's possible his Mum will still help out, after all she is their grandmother. Anyway of sounding this out? Would he have to go and live with her and his 2? You might be able to keep up a relationship with them in that case.

That’s a positive that you’re not married and the private rent is in your name.
I obviously don’t know his mother but I’d hazard a guess that she’d still want to support you and help out with your children.
Tell him to leave and either take his key, or ask the landlord if you can change the locks and then don’t allow him to worm his way back in again.