Friends HE don't like

[Nurse6868]

I've had a friend for many years. She didn't finish high school.She has four kids she raised on her own, She's always doing different little jobs to get money. Still, she has always been there for me. My fiance doesn't care for her. He says he doesn't want her in our house. He talks to her but its fake. Today he said I had to get rid of her for good or move out. She has never disrespected him and has never influenced me in any way. I don't want to Lose our friendship.What would YOU do?

Is it just this friend he has an issue with? Because it's a very strong reaction to have and it sounds as if he has tried to maintain a level of civility with her until now. If it is just this friend and he isn't like this about any of your other friends then you need to get to the bottom of why he feels this way. Were they romantically involved the past (or even not romantic, just sex)?

I know a lot of people are saying that partners who give you ultimatums over your friendships are controlling and awful - but that's not true in every case - hence why I am asking for the bigger picture. On the surface he seems completely unreasonable - does he say why he doesn't like her? If he is like this about other friends and your family then clearly that's a massive red flag.

Get rid of the fiance.

I would tell him to get to fuck. Honestly, my first instinct was to start thinking about what all could be going on, but actually, I don't care. He thinks he can control your friendships and issue ultimatums. So he is not worth mental energy, he just needs to fuck off.

"Today he said I had to get rid of her for good or move out."

Why the hell did he say that? What a thoroughly outlandish demand and threat.
What's up with him?

Doesn’t matter whose house it is. I would not be with someone who asked me to get rid of a friend who has always been there for me. Sorry this is a BIG red flag.

Move out immediately. This friend has done nothing wrong. He may not like her but he has no right to dictate who your friends are & where you see them. He will likely pick off future friends too.

Think I'd choose my friend tbh.

Assuming he hasn't cheated with her or, tried to and is worried she might tell in him? Or maybe she saw him with another woman?

It seems controlling tbh. If she hasn't disrespected him and she isn't bad or like, a racist or something...he hasn't a leg to stand on.

It matters whose house it is because he can’t tell her to leave if it’s half hers.

The advice given to the OP will be different depending on whose house it is.

We can't go advising the OP to kick him out if she moved into his place, can we?

I would get rid of him 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Keep the friend and ditch the fella..... no-one should demand that you give up a friendship. Thats controlling behaviour and a massive red flag

@Nurse6868 is he trying to control and isolate you? Because that is what this sounds like and if so - red flag!

You need to tell us WHY he doesn't like her and WHY he is saying it's him or the friend.

Because, frankly, unless he's a racist and she's a different race/ethnicity than he is, I cannot fathom why he would hate one of your friends for apparently no reason.

If he hates ALL your friends, that's one thing - but if it's just THIS friend, then you need to tell us what his reasoning is.

There must be more to this story than your telling us. I think you need to 'fill in the gaps'. It's very extreme for him to say what he has for no apparent reason apart from disliking her. If this is indeed the case then you need to get rid of him ~ he will destroy you and your life.

He would tell me just once that I do as he says or move out. Good relationships don't include.bullying ultimatums.

Does she bring all four kids with her when she visits?

What 'little jobs' is your friend doing for extra money?! There's a big difference between working in the local pub on an ad-hoc basis to selling weed to niche select few! If my husband had a friend, who was a dealing drugs, stealing and generally not being a good citizen, to make extra money, I wouldn't want them in my house either! Context here is key. On the surface your partner is being controlling and seems to have an irrational dislike towards your friend. Being a single Mum to 4 children isn't a crime! No one has the right to tell another person who they can and can't be friends with. Your partner seems to have tolerated your friend, but has now decided he can't any longer and has given you an ultimatum. So what's happened, for him now to decide he can't tolerate her? Have you moved in with him, and it's his house? Or is the house jointly owned (I suspect not)? To ask you to move out, if you continue this friendship seems very extreme to me. Either he's a controlling arsehole or there's much more of a backstory here, than we've been given!

If he doesn’t like her just because she has 4 kids and a low earner? assuming she’s a good citizen not a criminal doing a few different jobs to fit around the kids, that’s awful, could there be another reason, very loud or unruly kids at you house? He can’t tell you what to do but to make it less awkward for her, she must pick up on it! meet away from the house or go to hers.

@Nurse6868

Generally when someone gives you an ultimatum like this, they also give you the answer (you pick the person who has dished it out, in case that wasn’t clear!)

Obviously, is it his place your living in etc., he can express not really wanting her round, but he can’t dictate who you are friends with.