So confused.

[mumof2teenboys]

Bit long and confused so please bear with me.

My oh works away for 6-8 weeks at a time. I never wanted him to take the job, but could see why he felt he needed to.

He's been doing the job for almost a year now. I hate it, it's causing so many problems for us. When he's back in the uk, I can't take time off because I work shifts and its not possible to drop everything for 2 weeks. Not to mention, that it would use my annual leave entitlement up in a few months.

I do miss him when he's away, but not as much as I thought I would I miss him in an abstract sort of way. i don't miss him in a ohmygod kind of way.

When he comes back, I don't feel as though he can be bothered to make an effort to do things with me, he wants to stay home and eat home-cooked food. Now, I do get that to a point, and it is flattering that he misses my culinary skills But it would be lovely to be treated to a night out and a bit of wooing!!

Sex has become an issue as well, I feel as though he doesn't fancy me as much as he used to. I want to do the cuddles etc as well as shagging his brains out!! But, he seems to be gagging for it the first couple of days, then, not a lot!!!

I did ask him before he went back this time if he had had enough and did he want to call things quits. Not because of the sex issues or anything concrete, but more because we just seem to be so far apart these days. He said that he didn't want that. I'm not sure that I believe him entirely.

I asked him to stay out of contact for a while because I felt that we both needed some time to work out how we both feel about his job, our relationship in general and the future in particular.

He sent me an e-mail this morning to do with a problem with our visa applications. I replied to it with the information he needed and left it at that. He has sent 2/3 other e-mails since this morning vaguely related to the original issue. The last one ended 'hows things?'

Now I'm cross with him because its almost as though he hasn't taken my request seriously. I really do need some time to work out how I feel about 'us'

I love him with all my heart, but don't know if we are strong enough to cope with his job and the stresses it places upon us.

I miss having someone to talk to, I miss someone warming the bed up at night But is that enough of a reason to stay together? This job is hard on all of us, I don't think that he truly appreciates just how hard it is for me and my son.

Now I've written it down, I'm not sure why. Is there anyone out there who has done this long-distance thing and made it? I think that I just needed to sound off a bit

Thanks in advance for reading.

I guess he tentatively said hows things, becuase he cares.

I think you are angry at him for reasons he doesn't know about, maybe you need to talk properly.

He does know why I'm angry/upset, we have talked a lot over the last few months.

He admits that things are not good every time he comes back, he would like me to be able to take time of work when on a practical level he knows that this will never happen.

He knows that I struggle with the distance between us. He thinks that things aren't so bad.

He enjoys a nice lifestyle in a lovely flat, he gets to lead a single mans' life and then comes home to me. I, on the other hand, have to juggle work, home, son etc on my own. Then have to add his needs and demands to my list of stresses when he's back.

I know that I resent the crap out of him at times. He gets the fun, I get the mundanity

And to top it all off, I never even wanted him to take the stupid fucking job in the first place.

i think your allowing your resentment to come between you expecting him to really know how you feel without telling him

he is working he is trying to show you he cares and it appears its not enough i say this with experience my dp is also working away i take alot of my resentment out on him

because he is away i expect him to act a certain way to me to make me feel good about myself but that is my low self asteem making this happen

but thats not his fault and he does all he can to reassure me

i dont think it is wrong to ask you how you are he cares about you

maybe you need to work out how you feel about him as i think this lies more with your feelings

He does know how I feel, I have told him exactly how I feel about his job and the effect that it is having on us as a family.

I have explained to him why I feel resentful and jealous of the things he does.

He is aware of how much I struggle with the day to day crap of a long-distance relationship.

He also misses home and is aware of the problems we have faced and continue to face.

I don't expect him to make me feel 'good' about myself, I'm the only person who can do that. I just want to feel as though I'm important to him when he is home. I try really hard to cook the meals I know he won't have eaten while away for example. I would just like some similar consideration in return.

It would be good to feel like he wants to spend time with me just to reinforce the bond we have. (I think)

I do love him, we have gone though an awful lot of shit to be together. We are still a couple in spite of a lot of things which could very easily driven us apart many years ago. He is my best friend as well as my lover. Whenever he comes back, i get that jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach.

well then it seems it can only be him that has to change that will make you feel better

why dont you suggest he takes you on a date on his return just the 2 of you to enjoy each other in a different setting

my dp always says cooking him meals doesnt make him know i appreciate him its how i am towards him

i sometimes find i still act slightly resentful

go on a date on each return and start to communicate better so he can really understand what you are after so he can change his actions

good luck hope you work things out