(trigger warning as this briefly mentions past SA)
Hi all
I've been married for 4 years. Me (33) and DH (40) together about 8 years.
Before I wrote anything else, I really do not have any suspicion of an affair etc.
Basically we've never had much sex. I mean we did at the beginning but even then we had different ideas on how much sex we'd like/needed. He has always wanted less and eventually it tailed off over the years, at first it was a thyroid issue he had but that's since been treated with regular medication.
He always, always says he's tired. Too tired to have sex. Too tired for any sexual intimacy.
He actually sometimes gets tired half way through. Has been to GP another tiredness and everything is fine (testosterone thyroid iron etc)
We do have 2 DC but we go through a short burst where we'll have it 3 times on 1 week and then I think it's changed... but it never does and it goes back to twice a month after that.
He is wonderful in other ways though. Very cuddly and lots of affection in his words etc
He is a good father and good with my emotions.
The thing is, I have worked extremely hard in EMDR therapy for a serious sexual assault as a teenager and also CSA from a caregiver. You can imagine how difficult sex has been in the past. But now, I finally feel able to relax, be myself, be in my own body. But, DH just isn't up for it. I feel rejected and frustrated especially considering my therapy and trying so hard. I don't really know how to explain the frustration, it's not a physical frustration, more than I spent my whole life till about 7/8 years ago terrified and traumatized from my past and now I finally feel better, I'm frustrated I can't just enjoy that.
Is that selfish?
I don't know what I'm asking for. Reassurance? What would you do? We've tried talking and talking but unfortunately it never changes.
Be kind, I feel quite vulnerable sharing this.