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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed

8 replies

anonymous291984 · 23/10/2025 16:03

Hi there, never posted anything on here before. I just wanted to get opinions from others, although I think I might already know the answer .
I'm a mum of three youngish children, married for five years. Husband always like things done his way and has always had a bit of a temper but mostly okay.
Recently, however, he has changed. He criticises me daily, it can be for small things like not washing up properly ect. He is very negative about my job as it doesn't pay well (£18.
5k) he tells me that I have no ambition in life (I love my job!) and that it isn't fair that he has to be the main earner. He wants to move into a brand new house, I'd be happy staying where we are but he doesn't want that. He blames me for us not being able to afford it as I'm in a low paid job. I want to stay close to family and friends but he would be willing to move to another country. He doesn't have any friends and he doesn't see his family nor does he make any effort to see them. He has told me that I need to think about what I want to do, wether we stay together or separate as we want different things. I think it's an ultimatum either I move where he wants or he will leave. He has openly said no one else will put up with him the way I do and if we separate he will be alone for the rest of his life. I catch him looking at other women much slimmer than me which makes me feel hurt. I have told him how it makes me feel and asked him not to do it when he is with me but he tells me every man does it and he will not stop. Its making me feel rubbish, I try my absolute best to look after him and the kids and I feel that whatever I do will never be good enough. Thanks for listening it feels good to have expressed how I am feeling.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 23/10/2025 16:06

He sounds awful. Don’t be blackmailed, leave.

Daleksatemyshed · 23/10/2025 17:00

He's putting you down and blaming you to make you feel guilty so you'll go along with his plans. If you're so awful that no one else would want you, why is he hell bent on making you go with him? He's a nasty piece of work Op, you'd be better off without him

Nestynoo · 23/10/2025 17:15

He sounds unpleasant

he also sounds desperate for more financial support from you

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 23/10/2025 17:19

I'm not surprised he has no friends.
Get rid already.

Lovelynames123 · 23/10/2025 17:26

Sounds terrible, make plans to leave. You'd be entitled to some UC which would help you financially, don't leave your family to be with this fool!

SpringSummerAutumn · 23/10/2025 17:56

He wants to end the marriage but he wants you to be the one to do it.

I'm sorry OP but i think he already has his eye on someone else.

I think you should find out what you would be entitled to if you divorce. Because honestly you will be happier without this nasty man who continually belittles you and chips away at your self esteem.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 23/10/2025 17:59

He isn't going to magically change. So you give in and move away from the job you love and from family and friends and he still puts you down. What then?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/10/2025 18:40

Seek legal advice and make plans to separate from him for good. Your children will also thank you for doing so. He’s no decent role model of a father to them.

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