My husband and I are both in our early 60s. He has 2 life limiting illnesses. He is in pain a lot - some low level, some really quite bad at times. He makes terrible health choices. Hardly exercises (I am talking about walking around 2000 steps a day tops), eats too much and what he does eat is mostly rubbish, he is very overweight. He has been prescribed WLI by his consultant, they have made a little difference and he has lost a couple of stone, but I see him almost fight to finish his chocolate bar or his toast or whatever instead of actually stopping eating when he is full.
Over the last 14 months in particular he has had 3 hospital admissions. All via ambulance. No doubt at all that he has been incredibly poorly. He goes into hospital, stays several days, has treatment, gets advice about what he needs to do to improve his health, comes home. Nothing changes. All the admissions could have been avoided in my opinion.
Last week I could see that he was becoming unwell again. I begged him to go to his GP. He refused. I specifically said that I could see that in a few days it would become an emergency. And what happened? Another trip to a and e and resus in an ambulance with the blue lights and noise on. At 1 am on Sunday morning. I heard him on the phone to 111 saying "I've had the symptoms for a few days, thought that they would go away, but they haven't".
And now after turning our family life upside down again he is out of hospital. He's just told me that he is never going to do any walking, or any other exercise, that I need to stop nagging him about a healthier life style. Same shit, different day. I have said (and I think that I mean it) that the next time there is a medical emergency he is on his own. I think that he is incredibly selfish - he knows each time he is ill he is shortening / endangering his life and our dd and I both get very upset. Yesterday evening in the hospital he became annoyed as the pharmacy was taking a long time to bring him the medication he needed for discharge. He asked that I wait for it whilst he went home and I refused. He needs to take some responsibility for his health.
I know that I sound heartless and without compassion. I am not. It is actually breaking my heart that he thinks so little of himself and his family that he will keep making unhealthy choices. At this rate he will be dead in 3 years. Maybe less. I can feel myself distancing myself from him so that when he does die I am less upset if that makes sense. His world is becoming smaller and smaller as he does so little. I know he is in a lot of pain but he has been told that if he loses weight some of the pain will lessen. But he does nothing. I can see that he is becoming depressed, he is NC with the majority of his family which I support as they are truly horrible. I have lost the energy to continually try and buoy him up. I go out with friends more than I used to as I want to do things that I can't do with him - go for a walk, enjoy an art gallery, get the bus to the cinema etc.
He does a lot of the cooking. It isn't too bad health wise. But he will eat "treats" on top of it. If I cook he does the same. Will put full fat mayo on everything before he even tastes it. Anyone watching this from the outside would say he is greedy and lazy and he is. But he didn't used to be.
I am not sure why I am posting this. I have also been through periods of being really unhealthy and understand why this happens. But I have over the last 2 years pulled my act together, lost 100 lbs and been more mindful about my life style. He seems to have almost done the opposite and sneers at me sometimes when I say I can't eat something (because I am full or don't fancy it, no food is off limits to me). I am watching him kill himself and I just don't know if I want to continue to do so.