My bf and I have been together for four years, but since we’ve gotten into college, i feel like our relationship has shifted quite a bit. We both go to the same school (not on purpose, just the cheapest in our state) and have fallen into the same group of friends.
Recently I have found it really hard to just feel loved by him? I just wish sometimes he was more affectionate or like sweet, because a lot of the time I feel like I’m treated as one of his guy friends, and the only difference is that we sleep together sometimes. I have brought this up to him before, but it feels like everything I ask from him turns into a battle and favors have to be like an eye for an eye. For example if I were to bring up how I wish he would compliment me more, his immediate response would be to throw it right back in my face saying I never compliment him either. I’m not trying to be dismissive of him if that’s how he really feels, but he never brings anything like that up on his own, just to defend himself.
He also has a terrible habit of calling me evil/saying I abandon him which I HATE. I don’t know why it bothers me but I’ve brought it up before and he simply says, “well its funny.”
I just want a relationship thats sweet and like romantic sometimes. Like surprise dates, flowers, and sweet moments. I also cant touch him or let him touch me without it leading to sex which is really hard for me because I like cuddling, and also because I’ve felt less and less like sleeping with him recently. I feel like I don’t ever get any of that and I’m wondering if maybe I am searching for something that isn’t really attainable. I can’t lie, I’ve always been someone who is in to romantic movies/novels etc, sometimes I think I am truly being delusional and he is right.
I don’t want to say he doesn’t care about me, because that doesn’t seem right. I mean he bought me a very nice birthday gift recently, and he always wants me to be with him (is very demanding about it, hence the abandonment comments), but I just don’t feel loved. How do I tell him I want a more romantic relationship without sounding like I’m being mean? Or am I crazy, and what I’m looking for really does only exist in movies and books?