Marriage after children

[ZanyJadePoster]

Is this a normal marriage after children?

I have two young children and I work part time. My youngest child is a terrible sleeper and is awake frequently as well as very early in the morning. My first child was a great sleeper and slept through from a few months so when I went back to work, I didn't mind continuing to do 90% of childcare, chores etc. However, since our second was born I'm really struggling. I haven't had a full night's sleep for almost two years now and I am woken almost every 2-3 hours by our youngest. I have dealt with all the night wakings and feeds since they were born and I get up 6/7 mornings. On the one morning I've asked for 'off' to catch up on some sleep, my husband doesn't wake so I have to wake him, which causes him to erupt and be in a huge mood for the rest of the day. He also insists on going back to bed at some point during the day because he is so tired.

I guess I'm just so exhausted with everything. There's no recognition from him about how I'm up constantly in the night and up early. I still have to go to work, I still do all the chores and majority of the childcare. There is no time for me to ever go back to bed during the day. There's no offer of help with housework or offer to take the children anywhere on his own. He frequently says he can't manage both children on his own. My mother tells me to get on with it as he works full time so is doing his bit. My friends have pretty much deserted me because I'm so tired and tied up with the kids all the time. When I try to speak to my husband about how I feel, he tells me we shouldn't have had another baby and that it's my fault because I wanted a second child.

Am I being unreasonable? Will it pass?

Not normal at all, I’m a sahm and Dh works full time, I’m up 45 minutes before him on weekdays so on weekends he doesn’t wake me up before 9:30. Your DH is a lazy lazy man and your mum is ridiculous. Tbh when the first came along you should have set our expectations that he would be doing childcare and housework etc.

I actually don’t think you can fix men like this. He knows you don’t get sleep, he knows you do everything for the house and kids and work. He sees you sleep deprived and exhausted and he just doesn’t care.

My marriage was like this too, but it wasn't sustainable for me and i moved gradually towards a point of burn out. I was also working full time and he was unemployed, partly due relocation to the UK, but this exacerbated the issue which is exactly the same as your issue - they do not care how heavy our burden of responsibilities/work/care, they chose to do the absolute minimum they can get away with.
I got close enough to breaking point to leave. I couldn't see life carrying on. So i left and initiated divorce shortly after.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It was exactly the same for me even after I returned to work and paid half the bills as well as doing everything at home. He wouldn’t even look after his own kids while I did the weekly shop so I had to drag two kids around a supermarket as he sat at home and had a rest!
We’re divorced now. He got the shock of his life when he had to move out (of my house) and do 50/50 childcare. I got the well earned rest I needed. I’d never go back to that, I was heading for a breakdown.

Aw sweet please understand this man has no love, care or respect for you or your children. Please raise your precious children alone. Both you and your children deserve so much better than the life you have now.

It won’t pass. Something needs to change, or you’ll burn out or break down. So - Try to get some help with your youngest’s sleep problems. And if he won’t give you a break - just take one. Spa weekend with your phone turned off or accidentally left at home, whatever. You need a break.

My relationship was like this and he started an affair when I was pregnant with the second because he just did not give any leeway with attention being all on the children rather than him