Married to his business

[RenC96]

Hi I'm looking for advice. I've been with my partner for 7 years and he owns his own business that I used to work in... Long story short his business went to shit and I had to get a job elsewhere (full time) to help keep us financially stable. Once he began to get back on his toes we decided it would be a good idea to expand the business and open a cafe together (this was just before I had to go out and get a full time job which I thought was going to be a good idea at the time). We've spent a whole year working 7 days a week trying to get this cafe off the ground to make it financially successful enough to be able to pay a wage which we're not even remotely close to doing... I'm working a full time job 40hrs a week and my boyfriend excepts me to work in the cafe on my days off "because we are doing this for our future"
I'm currently pregnant and exhausted and don't have any more energy or effort left to give. Am I being a selfish partner? He constantly belittles me calling me lazy and that I don't want to do anything in the cafe and that all I want to do is sleep bearing in mind I'm in early pregnancy, overworked and drained because I have no time to myself... He always puts his work before me, we don't got to spend time together anymore, I barely get to see my family/friends...I don't want to break up with him but I don't think I can do this anymore.

It sounds like the business isn’t quite stacking up, and it’s hard to see if you doing more hours would actually make or break it in terms of revenue.

Is the cafe necessary to the success of the business? Is it a seasonal thing - eg over summer holidays it makes sense but the rest of the time there isn’t footfall?

Could you support the business in a less physically intensive way as a compromise, eg a couple hours a week doing marketing or admin /ordering inventory with your feet up?

Sorry to be awfully blunt, but is it a good idea to continue a pregnancy in these circumstances?

His desire to be succeed commercially is more important to him than you are. He sees you purely as a resource.

I think k you need to sit him down and explain that you are exhausted, you're pregnant & working full time elsewhere and you need to rest for health reasons, yours and the baby's.

If he doesn't accept that, and back off immediately, then you should dump him. Getting carried away making a new business a success is one thing, but putting it above all else is not.

can see trouble ahead…his narrative is only in his interests. Leave

Like others have said, it’s time to sit down for a reality check with him.

He obviously has no understanding of what being pregnant entails.

Don’t cave in and feel guilty, because if you do you and your baby could end up very ill.

You’re at the early stage and your tiredness will get a lot worse. Already working 40 hours a week is more than enough.

This is the easy bit, the hard bit is when the baby arrives. What will he be expecting of you then I wonder?

You can’t run a cafe while working a 40 hour a week job (never mind the pregnancy). It sounds like rather than being married to his business, he’s trying to save it from going under (again, presumably). A cafe is a 7 day a week venture. I think it was silly for both of you to have taken it on if you couldn’t put in the time to make it succeed and then a pregnancy on top. Who is going to be running the cafe when you’re on maternity leave and he’s on paternity leave and you have all the pressures of a young family?

It will hurt his pride, but it sounds like it’s time to pack it in if the business isn’t making money or to take a different approach. Because this isn’t sustainable long term. Baby isn’t even here and you both aren’t coping, so you need to figure out a way forward that won’t sink you financially.