Chores and money

[PuppyKeep]

Bear with me - I'm autistic - so social things that other people figure out intuitively are baffling for me.

In a marriage where one spouse earns significantly more than the other, I often read on here that the spouses should share the money equally, and also share chores equally. However, what if the higher earning spouse also has a much more demanding/stressful job that leaves them with less energy, and the lower earning spouse's job has a more relaxed pace?

Isn't this a recipe for the higher earner burning out and/or getting resentful?

Disclaimer: I know that higher salary does not necessary equal = higher effort/stress, but for this thread, assume that it does.

I think that generally the received wisdom is that bills should divided proportionate to earnings. And that any earnings above those required for bills should be pooled for joint saving and both parties take out an agreed amount for personal spending and entertainment etc.
Surely as regards the division of chores that needs to be worked out on an individual basis agreed by both parties with regard to working hours, commute etc.? So long as the division isn't along traditional sexist expectations and unrealistic demands then surely couples can work out what is a fair divide?

Both parties should have roughly equal leisure time.

So if A and B both leave for work at 8am, but A gets home at 6 whereas B doesn't get in til 7.30, then A should be ideally doing something during that time, eg cooking the evening meal or doing whatever cleaning wants doing.

I’ve been used to keeping finances separate and would always advocate for that. I know many others disagree. However I’ve never been in a situation where I couldn’t leave a relationship on financial grounds so I still feel this is right for me. ExH and I had shared joint account for bills and paid a proportion of our salary each. We each had our own current and savings accounts.
Division of chores should be agreed between you. There are some I’d hate and would gladly pay for help with. There are some I don’t mind doing.
Communicate and work out what you both feel is fair. Just because someone earns more or works in a stressful role doesn’t give them a free pass to do the bare minimum. You’re meant to be a partnership.

I don't think there is a social rule around this, I'm sure there will be plenty of differing opinions on this thread.

I think both parties should have the same amount of free time, and also the same amount of fun money.

It is very hard to say. Some jobs which appear to be low demanding could still be very stressful for the individual because of difficult colleagues or a difficult boss or clients or personal factors (e.g. social anxiety, mental/physical illness etc).

I would work on the assumption that free time (after any commute) should be roughly equal.

The only time I would disagree with this is if one partner is doing a job that is effectively their hobby and the lines between work and fun are more blurred.

I guess the person doing the stressful job doesn’t HAVE to do the stressful job and can opt to take a less stressful and lower paid job, and other spouse will have to suffer the drop in lifestyle? Equality and all.