Dating Etiquette

[dilemadilema]

In a bit of a quandary. After being widowed a few years back, started internet dating. Seen one chap a few times. Nice enough and treats me very well but things were moving a bit too quickly - him and not me - so I’ve had a chat about taking time. He’s decided not to see anyone else at this stage but I still have another date on the go. I’ve not felt the need to explain myself to either as I think they also have the option of seen other people.

I’m tying myself up in knots about arrangements and feeling like I need to make excuses when man 1 is suggesting meet ups and I have a date with the other one.

I’m out of my comfort zone here being married a while before so I think I just need to not feel I need to provide an excuse and ‘a no thank you - some other time’ should be acceptable?

Could end up with neither working out either for them or me, but they both have their merits at the moment…..

Any advice on not feeling like I’m cheating would be helpful!

You have to decide what you’re comfortable with. If you want to date more than one person, go for it. It’s just about being honest and not lying.

I agree with the PP. People feel comfortable with different set ups. I'd just say you are busy that day and suggest an alternative. But if the question comes up or there is discussion of exclusivity in messages or on dates then you need to be open.
I for one will happily message multiple people but have never had to "date" 2 at once (I'm not that popular lol).
I also don't think i could be physically intimate with 2 so at that point I'd need to make a choice. However it's personal to you. I would say that you should be clear if it does become sexual as at that point I'd expect some frank honesty.

It's a bit shitty not to let them both know to be honest.

But you know this.

I don’t think you can like either of them enough, otherwise you’d be more decided on one or the other. I would make it clear you are not in an official relationship to avoid anyone getting hurt.

Would you be OK if you thought they were also seeing others? I think l would feel better they knew if they thought you were exclusively seeing them.

I don't see how dating two people can involve tying yourself in that many knots about arrangements? Surely you aren't seeing either of them more than once a week or so if it's very early days?

And surely when the first guy told you he had decided not to see anyone other than you, you would take the opportunity to say 'Thanks for letting me know. I'm continuing to also see someone else'?

If you liked the first guy enough, you wouldn’t be seeing the second one.
I personally wouldn’t actively date more than one person at a time. By that I mean if it’s at date 2 or 3 it’s either exclusive or over as they’re not for me.
If you can’t decide, perhaps neither are right, or you’re not ready. Either way I think you have to be honest with them.

Just be honest, I always multidated but as soon as it was moving to kissing or more it was time to be exclusive