How to deal with work colleague? Part 2 (updated)

[Shs726]

Sorry wasn’t sure if could still edit OP on original thread. Also I did add update post but responses seemed to be for OP and not the new update.

here it is:

I didn’t reply to his 4000 word text. (he did mention if I didn’t respond, he’ll get the message and leave me alone).

a week later
he “accidently” sends me photos. Saying oops mistake, hope you are well.
I ignore it. Few days later, he sent me another 4000 word text. Talking about random stories. Plus, how much he wants to resolve things between us. He’s not going to give up. He really cares about me and wants to take care of me in a non romantic way but a special human way.

I really got annoyed. I sent him a message back telling him how inappropriate he’s been. I even gave him examples and used quotes of what he’s said to me. It’s too much. Also I don’t believe the photo thing was accidental and he keeps texting me when he knows I’m busy and even when I don’t respond. Also I find it weird how one time he asked what kind sort of newspapers I read. I told him. Few days later, those newspapers are at work. Which is weird coz it’s a niche newspaper something you wouldn’t get from usual shops. And I’ve never seen that at work before.

He replied saying I’m accusing of him being a liar and the photos were accidental. He’s not happy. He has no idea what I’m waffling about the newspaper and what am I trying to allude? The rest things, sorry for making me feel that way.

I got so angry thinking the audacity of him.
i got another message saying to block him as I won’t have to hear from him and that he’s deleting all our messages. I questioned his integrity etc.

so I did block and delete him.
how is he acting like the victim in this?

Don’t rise to it. He’s doing all of this to get a response and then he feeds off any response you give him, whether negative or positive.

Just ignore him. That’s all you need to do.

Hi OP,

you really need to take this to your manager/HR. He’s escalating, not taking no for an answer and creating a hostile work environment. Take screenshots of all the messages he has sent and keep them as evidence. Wrote down everything that has happened, including any witnesses that may have been around.

Politely, but firmly, decline any gifts, treats, drinks etc he tries to give you - hopefully your previous protestations were via message too, just to evidence you did not ask for those things and tried to decline them etc, but he refused to take no for an answer.

Maybe a final message to him advising him you did not give him your phone number, or permission to take your number from a work related group chat and you do not want him to contact you on your personal mobile number for any reason. If he needs to speak to you for work related matters, he can contact you by email/Teams/Messenger (whatever it is you use at work). You do not want to speak to him unless it is related to work. Then repeatedly ignore any non-work related messages. I’d even go as far as muting him and leaving him on unread.

Definitely take this to HR

I replied on your other thread - replied to your update.

You have let this man off the hook when all the advice one week ago was to report him to HR and the police then.

You ignored all the advice.

If we (Mumsnetters) continue to advise you on this new thread to:

1. report him to the police; and
2. take all the texts to HR

I expect you will still ignore this advice and you will be back in a week with another update for us because possibly you like the drama ???

COMING NEXT WEEK:
Oh so I blocked and deleted him from my phone but then he started trying to be friendly at work again ...... then he got himself a new phone because he said his old phone broke and he re added himself to the Work Chat Whats App Group under his new number ....... blah blah blah.

This man should be on the dole. He should have lost his job for gross misconduct / inappropriate behaviour at work already but hey, why not just keep letting him off the hook, if you like the drama so much? 😏* *

Do you really not understand why he's acting the victim? It was pointed out to you over and over again that he is a manipulator and he has been trying to control you.

This is why he's playing the victim. He is trying to manipulate and control you.

Why have you not made a formal complaint about his behaviour to your manager/HR?

Screenshot everything before he deletes it all.
Forward the screenshots to HR
Block him on WhatsApp
If he buys you anything at work do not accept it. Say clearly "I don't want this and have asked you repeatedly to stop buying me things." if he leaves it on your desk, bin it, preferably in a very public way.
If he brings you coffee, see above" I don't want this, I didn't ask for this, I have requested you leave me alone and stop"

He is borderline stalking at this stage and he is not taking no for an answer, you need to remove all reward for him and stop engaging at all.

And go to HR.

Block do not delete.
Go to HR.

Also I did add update post but responses seemed to be for OP and not the new update.

The truth is everyone told you to report him.

You did not report him.

You gave an ‘update’.

Everyone said report him.

They are not ignoring you and replying to the OP.

They are re-giving the same advice because you didn’t follow it.

No point ignoring advice and starting a new thread with ‘Part 2 (updated)’ if you’re not reading the advice.

I love drama. Bloody love it. Eastenders scratches my itch. It’s on BBC1. Try it.

Edited to add you were advised within a few hours of your original post not to delete anything. And now you write that you’ve deleted all of it.

You clearly enjoy the attention and/or have enough time on your hands to waste on this.

god alone knows why you didn't report him to HR the minute he sent you the 4000 word text.

it must have been numerous texts, 4000 words will have gone well over the limit of a normal text app on a phone. That's about 2-3 sides of A4!!

Yeah thanks for advice.

My manager is on leave and that guy was on leave too so I didn’t see him at work the past week. I hoped not replying to his previous text would be enough because he did say he’ll back off. He clearly did not.

Yes I’ll tell the manager when she is back soon. I don’t want to text her whilst she’s off. I don’t really have HR in my place as it’s a small company I work for.

no I don’t like drama and was actually preparing myself mentally to report it if he didn’t back off. I also know once I do… it’ll open up investigation and gossip travels fast at work. So I’m preparing myself as I have a strong feeling once he realises I’ve reported him; he’ll start telling my colleagues (we are a small team) his “version”. He’s also popular at work and has been there for far longer than I have and friends with them.

I didn’t say I deleted it.

I said he said he deleted the messages.

I have blocked. I have saved everything. Don’t have HR, so will tell manager when she’s back very soon.

so I did block and delete him.

So you didn’t delete the texts?

Have you screenshotted all of them as advised?