Navigating separation and co-parenting

[LM2092]

Looking for some advice / reassurance from anyone who has been through the same that life gets easier.

Split from partner of 11 years due to indefinitely on his part, we have a DD 6 years old. Our home we shared, he owned so I have left and I am staying with my aunt. We are splitting time with DD, which is hard I can’t seem to get it right with a routine? We were doing swap every 2 days, but then has ended up some days going longer but there is no strict routine atm - any suggestions on what people have done here would help.

DD prefers to stay with Dad because it is her home and her pet (cat) is there, I’ve started to look to buy a home (but if you live in Scotland you know how hard it is for first time buyers). DD openly says she wants to stay with dad for longer, it kills me everytime but I know that she naturally is going to be more comfortable in her own home.

What else makes the situation worse is ex doesn’t want to split, constantly asking me to reconcile, messages me constantly, always asking me to come round for dinner, do stuff the 3 of us etc. but I just don’t really want to be in his company plus don’t want to make things confusing for DD?

Anyway not really sure what I’m needing here but some reassurance that it’ll get easier and I will stop crying everytime I’m on my own!!

I think swapping every 2 days is likely to be unsettling for your little one - all that coming and going! I think you probably have to accept that she wants to spend more time at home for now and do you best to sort yourself accommodation as soon as possible. Then you can involve her in decorating her room and buying furniture etc and hopefully in time, she'll feel equally at home in both places. I know it's hard on you but none of this is her doing and her needs have to come first for now 💐

Agree with @Endofyear that swapping every two days must be difficult for her.

Try a better routine, maybe a 3,4,4,3 rota, to make her happier, and the sooner you have a new home, the better. Stick to a set routine so your dd knows what to expect. Try to find something she loves about your aunt's house that is special just to the two of you.