Coping with friends husbands affair

[giggly]

As the title suggests my best friend told me about her husband’s long term contact with a sex worker. They have only been married for a few years and while his contact with the sex worker has reduced he has still seen and paid her in the time they have been together.
Obviously she was devastated when she found out but has now , certainly for the foreseeable future decided to stay with him as she says she cannot bear the effect on their children if she leaves him.
Im raging at him but now have to act all normal as if I don’t care what he has done. I met him recently and honestly he was as a calm as if nothing had happened.
I have stopped visiting her at home as much and she knows why but sadly I can see this coming between us as he disgusts me.
I totally respect her need to stay as she has not got her financial ducks in a row.
Why do men fuck up so much as the fallout is not just to his immediate family.

Why do you have to behave as though all is normal?

Personally I would want nothing to do with him. And I couldn't sit there and listen to her talking about her marriage and talking about her family life with a man she knows uses prostitutes.

I would be telling her that if she decides to leave her H you will be there for her and will support her. But until she decides to do that I would not be having any contact. How can you behave as normal knowing what you know?

Look, you either support your friend or you don’t. You have the option.

At the end of the day, it’s not your marriage, so if you want to be a friend and support HER, then don’t make the situation about YOUR feelings on the marriage.

I assume you’re not super friendly with him anyway. Just be neutral and polite and focus on your friend.

Don’t abandon your friend, but I’d certainly not sit verbally supporting her staying with him. Try to politely say you’re best not to speak about her relationship, because your view is she should leave. If she wants to discuss how you can help get her ducks in a row or how she demands he (1) hand over his bank accounts and open them up; (2) cuts off these women and gets a new number and (3) dedicates himself to your friend, his marriage and his children. (Sex workers are probably more tested than random women, but he’s still putting her physical health at risk sleeping with other people and her mental health will be crippled currently… I get your annoyance as I’d fear I’d run him over….!)

How is she not financially able to leave but he’s spending THEIR money on sex workers? He has a wife and kids at home - she should demand all income goes into a joint account. She needs to kick him out or leave. My in laws would probably run my own husband out our house for me 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

I would not describe using sex workers as an affair. But he is an utter sleazeball.

Using sex workers isn't an affair, it's using sex workers. An affair would imply an emotional and physical relationship. He's in nothing more than a transactional business relationship with this woman. Emotions have zero to do with it. You either support your friend or you don't. You can't force her to leave her pig of a husband. Presumably you don't have much to do with her husband anyway? Why would he be behaving any differently towards you? I doubt he knows you know he's paying for sex! Keep any interactions with him polite. If or when your friend leaves, it's then she'll need your support.

This

You do realise this isn’t all about you don’t you?

More than aware but thanks for the clarity🙄
I used the term affair because he has seen this same woman for over 10 years so it appears to be a sort of relationship in his head as in that’s how he described it.
She knows I will remain her friend but age and life has taught me that it always come downs to your morals and core beliefs and I’m afraid as I actively dislike her husband and she chooses to stay with him which of course is her right that I will lose my best friend.
Our interactions already feel disingenuous.

Has he stopped seeing her and begged for forgiveness?