Single after a long term relationship

[Beautyturnedbeast]

Just wondering other people's experiences. I separated from my husband a year ago. We were together 14 years and DV started after our first was born 11 years into the relationship. He developed post natal depression and completely changed.
We have been through a lot together, grew up a lot together. I met him when I was 19.
I still have a lot of love for him. I know his mental health caused it and while it isn't an excuse, if we didn't have kids I would have stayed. However, I love them more than him so I had to put them first.
Anyway, I just can't see myself ever having a relationship again. I feel like he knew me inside out and we supported each other so much. I can't imagine ever being able to build a relationship with someone else like that again. I dont think I'd have the time or energy.
I'm definitely very lonely at the minute. I work full time and have little support so no one to watch the kids so I can go out or meet up with friends. Im also a little overprotective so wouldn't pay a babysitter if I didn't know them extremely well.
Just looking for any advice or experiences?

Honestly OP you did the right thing leaving him: both for your children's sake and for your own sake.
You are excusing him by blaming his mental health. No matter how bad he was feeling it didn't give him the right to be violent to you.

It was a long relationship. It will take time for you to heal from it.

Have you looked at the advice on the Woman's. Aid site?
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/ive-left-and-i-need-support/

There's no pressure on you to even think about another relationship now. You might feel differently in a year, 2 years or 5 years or never but it doesn't matter. You will not find another relationship that is the same as your previous one but that doesn't mean that it will be worse - different can be good! Coming to a new relationship as a fully grown adult who knows what you want can be a new and empowering experience. You have so much more understanding of people and the world in general, you have a lot more to bring to the table. You are strong, and capable. You know how to take care of yourself. These are all positives.

For now, I would honestly try and find a good babysitter that you can feel confident in - maybe an older teenage daughter of a friend? Start small, just leaving them for an hour while you nip out for a coffee. Gradually build up to leaving them for an evening. As a single parent, you need to have time for a hobby or an evening out with friends - you can't pour from an empty cup!

Concentrate on being single and your child. Forget relationships for the moment, the right person will come along

Thanks. Ive done a lot of counselling and I did the Journey to Freedom Programme with Women's Aid which was great. I think maybe time is the best healer.

Don't worry I couldn't start dating, even if i wanted to lol. My whole life revolves around going to work and coming home and spending time with my kids. We cosleep so I just go to bed with them and get up at 4.30/5am everyday because I'm in bed for 8pm.