Is this deceitful?

[Sunshinewindows]

Been with my partner for a year now. Things have been mostly happy but he tends to bend the truth sometimes.

he’s lied about whereabouts (explained it was just a check up and didn’t want to mention it)

he’s lied about how much he communicates with his ex (from 10 years ago) and then lied to cover it up more. Said it meant nothing and never would as they haven’t see each other for 10 years. Just chit chat. But did hide it.

they aren’t massive things and he does love me but those two things have given me reason to doubt other things such as when he’s out with friends (is he really with them?). He does have a tendency to look at other girls but didn’t every man.

we live together, happy and are almost engaged (we’ve talked about it a lot).

are these red flags or just men being men?

everything else is ok.

thanks.

At the point you can’t trust what someone is telling you any relationship is completely dead anyway, you have absolutely nothing if you don’t have trust.

@Sunshinewindows why do you say his lies ‘aren’t massive things’? They are. They are to YOU, otherwise you wouldn’t be on here. And you’re quite right to be pissed off when he lies. It’s dishonest - he’s lying to you and I bet you don’t lie to him. An unequal relationship where you cannot trust him. Personally I couldn’t be doing with it. And I think you feel the same way- you don’t like the dishonesty, the deceit and the disrespect. Same as the ogling other women, more disrespect to you. You’re one year in and no children, think about what you REALLY want and whether ‘almost engaged’ is worth diddley doo, or is he just telling you what suits (him) at the moment?

What other lies has he told you that you aren't aware of yet? He sounds untrustworthy in the extreme. Do you really want to hitch your wagon to a man who can't tell the truth? And no, not every man leers at other women.

Doesn't sound great to me, he lies to you. Why would you want to consider marrying someone like that?

Expecting honesty in a relationship is not too much to ask.
And no, not all men look at women in a way so blatant that their partner notices. That’s disrespectful.

Ugh. He lies - what else does/will he lie about? You will always be wondering. You can’t trust him. I wouldn’t marry this one.

His lies have unsettled you. You no longer trust him

Unless you can live without that level of trust I'd say leave now or wait for the uncertainty, the surreptituous checking up on him, the repeated disappointments, change who you are

Does he have children with his ex?

He is a liar.
You can't trust him when he is not in your company because he pervs on other women- as he is a liar you have no idea what he actually gets up to with them.

You deserve better than this OP.

What was his ex like, and what are you like?

It sounds to me like he’s developed a habit of lying to avoid having to explain himself. IME that’s either because he’s a generally deceitful person, or he’s had bad experiences of having to constantly explain himself to someone else.

Both are problematic but one is much worse.

My heart always sinks into my boots when I read posts that say ‘he bends the truth’ - no, he lies. He’s a liar. You’re with a liar who lies to you. Figure out if that’s where your bar actually is.

I don’t think he’s a keeper, the ex - out of the blue contact after 10 years, they’ve not had to stay in touch for kids or divorce? Also a tendency to look at other girls, he’s never going to change.

His Go To is to tell a lie.
Those small lies will become big ones..
He is testing out your boundaries right now op.
Imagine how tiring it wil be married and second guessing everything he says.

Lying about your communication with your ex is not a small thing. Either he's lying to cover something up, or because he prefers to lie rather than have a difficult conversation about how you run your relationship.

Neither of these are good.

And if he's openly ogling women when that isn't normal (or respectful to you or them) either.

You could try having all this out with him, but don't just walk blindly into marriage, it needs to be sorted out.

A) my DP wouldn’t dream of ogling other women in any way that I would notice - so disrespectful.

B) if you cannot trust anything that comes out of his mouth, how can you bear to be with him? Ridiculous lies show he has no respect for you and that that is his default. Grim.

@Sunshinewindows Did you move in with him or did he move in with you?

He doesn’t bend the truth, he lies and he lies because he’s a liar.

Why on earth are you living with and ‘almost engaged’ to a msn who you don’t trust?