I’m upset at my husbands comment

[Hmm71677]

My husband has always suffered deep down with some depression and he admits this but won’t do anything to help with it.

At the start of the year he lost someone close to him and I done everything I could when I felt he was really depressed. I called the doctor and asked them to call him and he refused to answer, I printed off bereavement leaflets, I gave him space when needed, we would have long chats etc.

This morning he’s moaning about his job and he said his head just hasn’t been in a good place this year and I agreed but also told him the honest truth that he hasn’t done anything to help himself and I said that I’ve tried my best and then he replied that I haven’t done anything to try and help him.

This really upset me and he turned round and said that he said it in the heat of the moment.

Just wondering if I was maybe abit harsh? Or did he deserve the harsh truth?

He's depressed, he feels helpless. There's nothing wrong with what you said. Maybe ask him what he thinks he should do, and what you could do to help? If he can actually give concrete suggestions that might be a bit helpful.

He is deflecting. He needs to deal with his issues.

It sounds as though you have really tried to support your H.

Unfortunately unless he comes to the realisation that he needs to help himself then he won't start to get better.

His comment sounds as though he is in a place where he thinks you can somehow " make things OK " for him without the effort coming from him. It's the depression talking.

Does he have a diagnosis for depression?

Some people like to wallow and blame everyone around them rather than try to help themselves, but you can’t help someone who isn’t open to help.