Ending Marriage Living Abroad

[FairCrow]

Looking for views here: I think my marriage is over and has been for a while.
We've lived in another EU country for six years so DC9 doesn't really remember anything else. I'm disabled and can't work here so I've been at home pretty much all his life.
"D"H is a very angry man who blames me for everything and basically uses me as a free cleaner/maid and to be around whenever he wants to go out or go away, sometimes for weeks at a time with work.
He's not nice to me, no sex for 4 years or so because I'm not "nice enough to him". He never kisses me, hugs me or shows me affection, and because of the language barrier and my disability, I'm forced to ask him every time I need the Dr or any non-simple business.
I don't like the atmosphere he brings to the house nor the way he assigns everything as a fault of mine, whether it is the dinner I cook or the fact our son makes a massive fuss about doing homework and getting up on time for school.
However our son is also happy at a great private school (unaffordable in the UK) and is settled with his friend group. This is really important to him.
It is probably possible to stick it out, I think I could get some support for that and try and manage for another 10 years or so but I still worry about the conflict for my son.
Which is worse - leaving and devastating my son or staying and trying to pacify his father for another decade? I don't know what to do.

Really not. There are 9 EU countries that do not allow dual.

the rest?

And where I am dual citizen, it was five years of residency, study a course on the country’s history, a language test up to B1. Four month wait for the passport. Lovely jubbly.

the op is not revealing where she lives so we don’t know if she would have to relinquish her UK passport. I don’t know if relinquishing UK passport is such a big deal to her anyway.

5 years is easily enough to learn fluency. I lived in Italy for a two and was fluent within those two years. Why can't you work from home or do something as simple as a basic admin job where there's little communication and mainly spreadsheet based etc? You've put yourself in a difficult situation by not learning the language nor working to support yourself and get some money behind you, especially if this is how you have been feeling (I'm guessing for some time). Do you have family in the UK to support you? Have you discussed speaking to your husband about how you are feeling?

I'm afraid people learn at different paces, and unless you have speech and hearing problems, your experience isn't going to be the same as people who do. Some people are born with these conditions - I'm sure you would not suggest someone learns not not be so deaf or try harder not to use a wheelchair.
I have said upthread that I have made progress with the language, and this really isn't what the topic of the thread is at all. It is about the effect of moving on a child and/or coping with marriage difficulties. I have said I don't want to reveal more details about the country and citizenship is not involved in my problem.
The "just learn the language more quickly/better" type of comments are straying into ableism so I do thank everyone who has listened and given thoughtful and useful views, it has helped and I will be off now.

OP - you are getting unnecessarily defensive on this thread - however, no one is trying to deny your disability. It's not about ableism to suggest that after living in the country for 6 years, it is a little strange that you are heavily dependant on your H for communication with the outside world - with doctors, etc - as you suggested.
You sound quite passive about it as well. It seems one of the big reasons why you feel out of control in your life - but it is unclear what efforts you have made to reduce your dependence on your H in this area.

(for e.g. - even with your disability limiting how quickly you can learn the language to some degree of fluency - there are other solutions to the issue, including finding friends who can help; or finding technological solutions, etc.)
It is also unclear if you tried to find any employment that does not require you to communicate in fluent local language - again, your total financial dependence on your H is a big reason for the dynamics in your family. And it's not clear what if anything you have tried to do about it.