Boyfriends depression

[Dottie4]

I have been with my boyfriend just over 2 years. We have had ups and downs throughout mainly due to his ex-wife. Just over a week ago we broke up. He is severely depressed and just started medication this week. He says he loves me but wants to be on his own. He messages me every day and we FaceTime at night. Whenever I suggest no contact, he just breaks down, and says he still wants me in his life. I went over in the week to collect some things and we ended up sleeping together and I stayed the night. We agreed not to get back together but that I would go over once a week so we could try and still go on holiday which is booked for 3 weeks time. Tonight he said he no longer wants to go on holiday and needs to stay on his own. I messaged him and told him to cancel the holiday and he replied with a sad face. I just don't know what to think. The minute I try and pull away he contacts me. I feel he is pushing me away because of the depression but I just don't know what to say or do. Any advice would be greatly received.

Sack him off and go on holiday with a friend

Don’t go on holiday with him and have nothing more to do with him. Block him on all channels. You also need to stop sending him mixed messages like no longer being together but going there once a week so you can perhaps go on holiday with him. There is no need for you to visit and besides which being a rescuer or saviour in a relationship never works. He is in no position to be in a relationship with anyone and is using you as a crutch.

guarantee there’s another woman on the scene .

End it. Block him. Move on with your life.

Stop allowing yourself to be treated like this.

He's using you my love. For sex, for company, and as an emotional support animal when it suits him. You deserve better than that, don't you think?

Go on the holiday alone, it's actually really freeing to do things by yourself, treat yourself, take yourself out on dates. Or if it's not the sort of holiday you generally do alone, take a pal and put the world to rights.

You know what to do. Pull the plug and stop him calling all the shots.

Look, this is as good as it will ever get. You're only two years in and already there's drama with his ex and he (apparently) has depression. Assuming it's not a bs excuse for crap behaviour that is.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Love YOURSELF.

Run.

Why does he get the holiday and not you? Hell no. Definitely go on the holiday, ideally with someone else. Cut all ties with this toxic man and block him. Get some therapy to understand why you have chosen be with someone who gives you so little respect and make sure you work through some stuff before you embark on a new relationship. You deserve so much better.

Not necessarily. My ex boyfriend was the best company when he was feeling well, but when the depression kicked in it was like talking to a stranger. It nearly broke me. Please try to preserve your own well-being OP.

This guy wants his cake and eat it. Please don’t entertain this. I may be too harsh and cynical but I wouldn’t be surprised if he used the depression to manipulate you and probably other women. The sick puppy act.

I’ve never seen a thread start like this and there not be an ow. There’s always a first time I suppose

He is using your emotional support. While you other with him you won’t heal.

None of the above explains what you want and how you feel - you are the most important person here and whilst you look out for him, you aren’t looking out for yourself.

Move on. Block him.

He can't have it both ways - he's dumped you and he now doesn't get a say in what you do now. I'd have a clean break and cut contact, he's just using you now.

Been there-he was like this after a death in the family. Supported him, ended up marrying, and he has become a great husband and father. Looking back, I should have encouraged therapy, but this wasn't the norm for someone of my background/culture. Not an excuse, just saying why I didn't do it earlier.
Also, I've stayed friends with people going through bad times, and know some ex-couples who have stayed friends, supporting each other. This could be another way forward. Two of them, who used to date, are now really good mates and still holiday, but aren't dating now.

I also think there’s OW on the sidelines and he’s finding it hard making a decision, so he’s seeing you both, on his terms and slowly working out which one he’s checking out from to make it as pain free as possible. For him, not you.

I thought this even before you said he wanted to go on the holiday without you. Mmmmmmm.

Honestly life is too short for this bullshit. Block him and forget about him

Do you know why his marriage broke down?

It doesn't sound like a great relationship if you have had "ups and downs throughout" and it's only been two years.

I think I would be considering if it's worth the effort here because it sounds like a lot of effort!

Thank you for your replies. There is no ow I am fairly certain of that. He is definitely depressed and pushing people away. His marriage broke down because his wife cheated

I know what I need to do and have known all week. I was just wondering, really, if this is depression, do I hang around? But I think the answer is obvious.

It doesn’t matter what it is. When someone breaks up with you that is the end. They can’t expect ongoing support. It’s not your problem.

@Dottie4

No ,you don't hang around. You are not a therapist, it is not your job to "cure" him. Live your life and let him sort himself out. Depression is a bit like alcoholism, sometimes they have to acknowledge that it is up to them, not someone else to help themselves.

OP, get out now whilst you can. He's got an ex-wife and supposedly depression. Isn't that enough of a fucked up mess for you? Do you want to live a happy life or be stuck with someone that will drag you down to the pits? It's an easy choice in my opinion.

Yep, the answer is obvious, as in move on.

BTW, was it him that told you his wife cheated?

Why on earth did you sleep with him?! Raise your standards, woman. He made it clear where you stand.