What’s the matter with these men!

[isittimetogethigh]

i told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious after coming out of a long marriage.
what does he do?
he lovebombs the crap out of me and I end up falling for him.

we decide to be exclusive fwbs but after having sex he takes a massive step back in everything. Said he’ll be in my town in a couple of months and can meet then.

everytime I message him saying I can’t do this anymore he reels me back in.
i can’t seem to get him out of my head no matter how busy I make myself and I always end up messaging him everyday which he never responds to.
The only messages he will respond to are the ones where I initiate video sex or tell him I’m done.

thank god I’ve seen the light now and I just feel sick that I let it continue for this long and angry at myself as I feel as though I lost myself for a while there. But happy to say I haven’t messaged him in a good few days and no plans to.

im just sick of men like him.

Just block this absolute loser and be done with it.

Block him. He’s a loser and a waste of your time.

Sorry you’re going through this. He sounds like a right bellend and you can do better! Block and delete so you won’t be tempted to text him again.

You have agency over your own life and your own actions. Block him and move on with your life. We teach people how to treat us by what we willingly put up with. Raise your standards.

I’ve never been involved with men like this - not because they aren’t ten a penny, and not because I’m anything special myself, but because OTT expressions of romantic enthusiasm automatically strike me as creepy and insincere, and I would rather gnaw my own legs off than keep messaging a love interest who doesn’t reply.

You need to work on trying to want something different from relationships or you’ll keep getting suckered in by love bombing.

There is nothing special about this man - you couldn’t get him out of your head because there’s an impulsive / compulsive part of you that loves the excitement of uncertainty and star-crossed passion, and has learned that this is what love should look like.

There are other parts of you that can see clearly what’s going on and that this situation is bad news.

It’s not inevitable to be reeled in by this kind of man. There are many other kinds of men out there - but the decent ones will probably seem boring to you as your dating self is currently primed to look for excitement and volatility, and find honesty and directness and a slow and steady approach to relationships a bit lacklustre.

See if you can stop hoping to be swept off your feet, and try looking for someone who’s your equal.

There have been men and women like him since the beginning of time.

Unfortunately the only thing we have any agency over is how we respond to and deal with them.

Without trying to be horrible, until we let people get away with this kind of thing it will continue.
I can’t really say what’s wrong with them, the world is just full of good and bad people and we are the ones who have to choose who we want around us.

Thanks for sharing

When you were unavailable he wanted a relationship. Now you've fallen for him he doesn't. This isnt uncommon but not nice at all. In fact horrible. Just move on he sounds like trouble.

🚩 take control and block him on everything. Hes a Loser

I appreciate all the advice, it’s helpful to look through this if I ever feel like I’m wavering.

Your post suggests you message him everyday and he doesn't respond . Don’t put yourself through that.

You agreed to be ‘exclusive FWB’ . And he told you he would look you up next time he was in town . Probably sensible to not expect more than that from a FWB . He heard FWB, you translated something like a relationship .

You can’t change him (and clearly aren’t going to based on his current level of interest ) but you can change you .

Exclusive FWB doesn't even make sense as a phrase. See this for what it is OP.