Can you ever go back to an emotionally abusive marriage?

[OutAnAboutToday]

I left my husband this year and we are now sharing custody of our children. I left due to EA behaviours from my husband but mainly the worst instances were when the DC were very young/babies. I left due to being unable to move past how he treated/spoke to me verbally in those early days.

Ex has never acknowledged how badly he treated me and in our marriage took the attitude of sticks and stones may break my bones etc. He said he was brought up to hurt the person in an argument as much as possible and that words are meaningless.

We are now in a no man’s land of whether to have a trail separation or plough on with the divorce.

He had stopped name calling in arguments for the last few years and had grown up a bit. But it was my inability to forgive the horrible names and other things.

He says he still loves me and he just wants me home now but then says he knows it is not that simple.

Is it possible to have a clean slate with much work on both sides to communicate better and can one ever move past emotional abuse?

Thanks, I know he would be vengeful and seek to punish me if I went back. In my mums words - he would be nice for a couple of months then make my life hell. Today he said - I still love you even though you are a bitch.

He only changed when you left him, not when he knew it hurt you. Speak to Women’s Aid maybe?

So the name calling hasn’t stopped then, OP. This is how he is when he’s trying to reel you back in, imagine what it’ll be like when you are back in. Get a divorce and some therapy for yourself.

Thank you. Another one from the other day…in my new house-at the door ex said “You are a horrible person” then proceeded to call me over to him for a hug.

I mean, you know that is beyond fucked up, don’t you? It’s proper crazy-making stuff. He sounds like an actually psychopath. You’re worth so much more than this shit.

He's manipulating you. Why would you even consider going back to that horrible life?