Husband not being supportive

[griefandsupport]

Last Weekend, I lost my grandfather who has been a huge support in my life so I could well be overreacting.

I feel that my husband isn’t supporting me and it’s opened my eyes. We have been together 20 years and have dealt with other family members passing. On the day of him passing, my husband continued his hobbies and wasn’t there. He was being all nice getting the children ready for bed early. Then left for his hobby. I now realise he was being helpful so he could still attend his hobby.

This week he has worked longer hours. He hasn’t helped with anything at home, but ‘it’s ok’ he bought me a box of chocolates. Last night, he wanted sex, I wasn’t in the mood and I gave in as I was so tired.

I’m struggling to hold it together especially for the children. The school, my friend have shown more compassion. I know I need to sit down and talk to him but i just can’t right now.

You gave in?

He doesn't sound like a nice person OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry about your loss OP.

Your H's behaviour is awful.

And the fact he coerced you into sex you didn't want reveals how little he cares about you and your feelings. Sex where consent isn't freely given is actually rape.

You aren't in a good place mentally atm because of your loss. So take your time and look after yourself. And think about what is best for you going forward as regards continuing your marriage.

Would you coerce him to have sex if he was grieving? There's your answer. Sorry for the loss of your grandfather

Very sorry to read of your loss

Sorry your DH is treating you like his ‘human support appliance’.

It’s not good, is it?

Sorry for your loss it is so hard to lose loved ones and grief is a definitely a process

gently as possible your husband I suspect isn’t a mind reader so it’s really important to communicate with him you probably find and it’s no excuse that he is being a man

intimacy and sex can get confusing for men clarify that you need a intimacy not sex
This is your grieving process but if he doesn’t get where you are at you need to say
you both are responsible to communicate your needs might also help to speak with a grief counsellor 🤷‍♂️

Not you implying coercing your grieving wife into sex she doesn't want is "just a man thing".

That isn’t what I said perhaps you need to re read it
I said that there can be confusion between intimacy and sex and the PH should clarify that to him I didn’t not say anything was acceptable because of being a man
the PH doesn’t offer much context as to the event but I make a gentle point of miscommunication and she needs to clarify her needs certainly not acquiesce for ease

Erm, talk to him perhaps

Never give in to sex for a box of chocolates. If you don’t want sex you should be able to say no!

I think you have bigger problems than him not being supportive.

He treats you like a toy.