NC for this as potentially outing.
I’ve had a bit of a bust up with one of my oldest friends and just need to vent and get my thoughts straight. This might be a long one, sorry.
Friend is a carer for her partner after an accident around six years ago. It was an horrendous time and their life was forever changed through no fault of their own. Friend had a really strong support network, her partner sadly less so, and we rallied round to help in any way we could.
Things eventually “settled” and they sold their house and bought a bungalow which they had specially adapted. Friend’s partner is confined to a wheelchair but suffers from other complications which make it difficult to leave the house. This has understandably taken a huge toll on my friend as his full time carer.
She’s become reclusive - her partner encourages her to go out and have time for herself but she’s lost her confidence. She’s increasingly bitter and angry and directs it towards those closest to her resulting in other friends and family members distancing themselves. She can be very cutting and regularly says hurtful things then feigns innocence. I completely understand why she feels and behaves like this though and chose to accept it in order to support her - she’s grieving the life she used to have and the future she planned for.
I call her once a week and visit her twice a month but my role is really just to be a sounding board. The trouble is, and I feel so guilty for saying this, the relentless anger and negativity is becoming draining. She’s not interested in anything or anyone outside of her own misery, nor is she in a place where she feels able to do anything to help herself. She gets angry at suggestions of speaking to her GP, counselling or support groups and dismisses me when I say I’m concerned for her. No one else’s issues matter - myself and our other friend have gone through bereavements, serious illnesses, redundancy and a marriage breakdown between us in the past couple of years and she showed no interest or empathy.
Anyway, I was visiting her today and she was ranting about a mother and child in the doctor’s waiting area because there apparently was clearly nothing wrong with said child. I just passively remarked oh you could say that about a lot of people you see in a doctor’s surgery and she exploded. She said that was saying how she felt and didn’t care if I disagreed and to stop picking at what she’s saying. I was completely taken aback and just quietly said I understand that you’re not in a good place but I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that and left.
I’m so conflicted because I’m becoming increasingly drained following every call or visit, but the last thing she needs is to isolate herself even more. I know I need some space but if I tried to have that conversation with her she’d be incredibly hurt. I’m just so upset that it’s reached this point and don’t know what to do for the best.