STBExH wants to introduce OW to our kids. Separated 6 months.

[tiredconfusedhungry]

I don’t even know what I’m asking. We’ve been separated since April. We split because I found out he was messaging someone from work (he says only a month when I found out). But they are now together.

Hes now told our DC (10 and 6) that he has a girlfriend (mainly because they had noticed he was disappearing for days at a time). My eldest is very inquisitive and asked (when he told them he was seeing someone) when can I meet her? He said whenever you want.

I think it’s too early. They’ve barely been together for 6 months. She’s already introduced her kids to him. And as much as our 10 year old asked the question, I think it’s up to us to put a boundary in place between us that ‘new’ partners aren’t introduced until after a year/18months.

I know why he’s pushing for it, he doesn’t then have to split his time off between her and the kids, he can see them all at the same time.

Am I wrong? Do I just have to suck it up? Ultimately he is their dad but he’s not the one that has to deal with our eldest, they have not taken the separation well and they are really struggling as it is.

I love you. That is the most succinct way of summing up exactly what has happened.

He hasn’t solved any of the problems or issues he has, he’s just run away from them. He has no idea the affect any of this will have on his relationship with his kids until much later in life.

In a sick and twisted way I hope they do last, so she can get the full experience really 😂 he’s painted a lovely picture to her (I know because I saw the messages promising her the earth). But she won’t see the really him for a little while. Especially the financially irresponsible side of him.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do. But I agree it probably isn't in the best interest of the children to throw a new girlfriend in the mix, when the kids are still navigating the break up of their parents and you are all still living together.

I was with their father for 15 years, he was abusive.

Then I met someone else and we were together for 8 years until I ended it.

I didn't want my children to think I was a goer when they looked back on their childhood and of course I didn't know if this relationship would have legs.

People do think it's weird but I give no fucks.

I don’t find it weird @Meandmyguy whatever the reasons behind it.

My exH tried to combine his new partner & his kids at first, inviting her along whenever he saw them. They were older than your kids and just stopped doing things with him because they didn't take to her. She used to exclude them from conversations and be all over him in front of them. She also takes the mickey out of them with him. He can do that as their dad but they hate her joining in.
He also used to drop the kids last minute if they had a party/holiday/event to go to.

He knew he needed to manage that situation better so eventually he tried to see them at weekends without her but the damage was done really.
They avoid his place now unless absolutely necessary because she's there.

I have always encouraged them to see him but ultimately let them make their own decisions. You can't control what he does, all you can do is be the solid, stable one who they can always rely on.

And having seen their reaction to this, I would keep any relationship separate for as long as possible and be sure to prioritise my kids while they still live at home. It's the relationship you will have forever so it has to take precedence.

Similar. Ex cheated on me and is still with her. He told me that I was over reacting when I told him off for sending photos of himself with the kids to her phone after a month or so. What makes me laugh is hes a shit dad and never once took a selfie of himself with them but clearly wants to play the im a good dad role. He then said...ive literally met her kids. What kind of woman lets a man she barely knows meet her children. Itll be a min of a year until I do that and that'll be after all the checks I can apply for are done. I know it isn't a guarantee of course but I dont get why people rush this. The ow is so manipulative and was buying my kids sweets when they were sneaking around behind my back so od rather not have a person like that in their life.
Sorry op but unless you have safeguarding concerns there is nothing you can do.