Fed up

[UniquePeachUser]

Hi everyone

not sure if this is right place to post but does anyone else ever feel fed up with life and just find it really boring? I’ve got 2 young kids and I should be happy, I have a nice house , nice car, good job but just feel like there’s more to life than this.

I don’t know if it’s to do with my long term relationship and the fact that I feel like I no longer fit in with my friendship group. They all like to now
Do couples things as they are all married but my long term partner isn’t very sociable so if there’s any events I have to go on my own. We used to do more girls things together but this has now changed a lot.
I’ve got used to going to any events on my own such as parties etc with the kids and I just feel like me and my long term partner have grown apart, we have been engaged for years but I don’t feel like I want to get married which I know is meant to be the point of engagement. I feel unhappy but I dont feel it’s bad enough to split up the home, my kids would be devastated and it’s hard to make such a decision when nothing terrible has happened. It feels such a selfish decision to make.
we have been close to splitting on few occasions but when it actually comes to it I don’t want to but I don’t know if this is just because I’m scared of the unknown and the disruption it will bring to everyone’s lives. I would struggle financially and the kids would be devastated if their parents didn’t live together.

sorry for waffling I just feel like the older I’m getting the more it’s highlighting the fact that I don’t have relationship I wish I had that all my friends seem to have, they do a lot with their partners and we don’t really do anything together. Childcare isn’t easy but we could manage the odd night out now
and again but I just feel like I don’t really want to.

has anyone else been in this situation and can tell me what their outcome was?
thank you

What are you getting out of this relationship now?

Do you still love him?.

Have you sat him down told him exactly how you feel about your relationship now?. If not why not?. Is he aware that you have as a couple come close to splitting up and more than once?.

It is no point being engaged for god knows how long without actually making plans to get married. Why has marriage not happened?. What was the point of him proposing at all?.

Does your man work outside the home?. Is there any particular reason why he is not sociable?. Does he to you seem quite happy with how things are?.

How does he get on with his parents and siblings?. Does he see them regularly?.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are the learning here from you both?. Teaching them this current example of a relationship will do them no favours at all because they will in all likelihood copy it. You are both giving them the blueprint for their future relationships as adults. You are not happy and presumably would not want them to be in such a relationship as adults but you are showing them that currently at least it is acceptable to you on some level. Your kids should not be used as glue to bind you and he together. Do not further get bogged down in your sunk costs.

Sometimes couples just do not work out but staying for the sake of the kids is rarely a good idea for all concerned. And why did you use the word devastated re your children's reaction when infect they may not be devastated like you think they could be. Perhaps even more like relieved and he can still co parent them. They've already likely got friends at school whose parents are no longer together. Your children are perceptive and pick up on all the vibes, both spoken and unspoken, between you two. Do not bury your head in the sand.

Thanks for your reply.
yes he was aware when we were nearly splitting up as things for really bad between us, we decided to work on things and try and make it work but something inside is telling me it wasn’t the right thing to do.
he works hard, I do a lot of parenting which doesn’t help.

insist don’t know if I’m unhappy in general or the relationship making me unhappy. We’ve been together since 16 so I don’t know any different I love him dearly but don’t feel like I’m in love, I don’t want to be affectionate I have 0 sex drive and I’m only in my late 30s.

he’s always been not very sociable but I’ve always done a lot with my friends, it is only now we are older they are doing more couple things so this is impacting me more.

the children don’t know any different with regards to the relationship it doesn’t affect them, the only reason I said they would be upset is because if they don’t see their dad for 1 day due to working late they are upset so couldn’t imagine living somewhere else and them not being able to see him everyday.

its so hard as a mother because you want what’s best for them but also you have to think about your own life and if you’re unhappy it’s not fair on the kids. Such a difficult situation to be in