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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HE doesnt Care

9 replies

Billybob91 · 15/10/2025 21:01

This month my mum ( who has leukemia) was told to come off of chemo as something is not right with her blood levels. Today was the day she would be told if treatment will be continued or if its too late and her body is rejecting it.
My partner was at work today... 8-6pm. He knew my mums appt was 10am. He did not contact me all day yet went on Facebook watching reels...as he clearly has time for that!
I felt so hurt because ... well it was a matter of life and death. Am i being over the top being this upset and feeling like he doesnt actually care ?

OP posts:
CoffeeLipstickKeys · 15/10/2025 21:04

Sorry you and mum are going through this, understandably you both must feel fraught He should have checked in in you,knowing you were carrying that burden
Whats he like usually regards feelings & difficult events?is he avoidant or is this uncharacteristic. Is he usually sensitive?

Hadalifeonce · 15/10/2025 21:07

I wouldn't expect my DH to contact me in that circumstance, not because he doesn't care, but it affects me more than him. We would probably talk about it during the evening.

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 15/10/2025 21:11

I'm not surprised you are upset OP.

Normal human decency and compassion should have prompted him to ask you how the appointment went.

I'm so sorry about your Mum.

Original poster
Billybob91 · 15/10/2025 21:17

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 15/10/2025 21:04

Sorry you and mum are going through this, understandably you both must feel fraught He should have checked in in you,knowing you were carrying that burden
Whats he like usually regards feelings & difficult events?is he avoidant or is this uncharacteristic. Is he usually sensitive?

Usually he is a closed book and doesnt open up. But for a while ive doubted us. Im a stay at home mum and he comes home and sometimes helps. 9/10 i do dinner, kids baths, bed, washing, washing up...all of it. This morning he put all his gathering dirty washing at the top of the stairs and i threw it downstairs. He said oh sorry i didnt bring it down as the washing basket was full down here. I then rwplied saying well it still needs washing. In which he then left it where it lyed on the floor for 10 mins until i came down and i then put it in the washing basket. Also, last night came in the kitchen after i done all washing, dinner, washing up..kids pjs on ready for bed and then offered to help. I just feel he doesnt care at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Billybob91 · 15/10/2025 21:19

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 15/10/2025 21:11

I'm not surprised you are upset OP.

Normal human decency and compassion should have prompted him to ask you how the appointment went.

I'm so sorry about your Mum.

I feel its just the descent thing to do. We have been together 10 years...2 kids and we live rpund the corner from my mum and shes not one of them crazy mother in laws either. She is a great mum and been like a lovely second mum to him...we done holidays together everything. Just so dissapointing.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 15/10/2025 21:21

Billybob91 · 15/10/2025 21:01

This month my mum ( who has leukemia) was told to come off of chemo as something is not right with her blood levels. Today was the day she would be told if treatment will be continued or if its too late and her body is rejecting it.
My partner was at work today... 8-6pm. He knew my mums appt was 10am. He did not contact me all day yet went on Facebook watching reels...as he clearly has time for that!
I felt so hurt because ... well it was a matter of life and death. Am i being over the top being this upset and feeling like he doesnt actually care ?

No, you arenot being unreasonable.

He doesn't care about your mum's results or how they impact you. And he doesn't even have the humanity to even pretend that he cares.

N0Tfunny · 15/10/2025 21:22

Im sorry , you and your children deserve better. It doesn't take a lot of time to make a quick phone call at lunchtime.

NeedleTale · 15/10/2025 21:34

A quick call. Or even a message to say thinking of your mom and you.

Is he normally this selfish? Is this a pattern of behaviour? Has he been caring in the past? Like another poster suggested though, maybe he thought he'd address it later when he saw you (not ideal, but we're all wired differently).

I've got a friend, and her partner didn't support her at all through a cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment. For a long time she wasn't happy about it... but has accepted that he's self involved. Ugh.

You definitely need to chat to him, explain that you felt very sad and disappointed when he didn't check in. See how he responds to that and take it from there.

cupfinalchaos · 15/10/2025 21:49

I would absolutely expect my dh to contact both me and my mum immediately after the appointment. Of course you’re upset.

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