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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stress or just bad attitude

8 replies

Catloverlady · 15/10/2025 10:10

So my OH is currently berg stressed with a lot going on at work, home, kids etc plus something didn’t work out for him and I made a point about it which he read as me blaming him. As such he got very angry told me to shut up, said I was stupidly, did my mum drop me as a baby and also told me to F off and that I’m pushing him to the edge.
now we all have our limits and moments of stress but this seems totally unacceptable behaviour and I question accepting it and how that makes me appear….views ..?

OP posts:
Dragonfly97 · 15/10/2025 10:15

If my husband spoke to me like that ( stressed or not!) I'd be offering him a divorce.

We've been together nearly 30 years and we have minor disagreements, not very often, but we don't ever speak to each other like that. It sounds like he doesn't respect you.

Felixmyicecreamillbashim · 15/10/2025 10:45

If it seems unacceptable it's because it is.

CaffeinatedSeagull · 15/10/2025 12:09

I’ve had moments where I’ve felt like that (on the verge of breaking), and I’ve had outbursts that was aimed at my partner. She’s also done the same to me. Sometimes life throws things at us and we need to left go, vent or just shout ‘arghhh’ very loudly. We normally both realise very quickly that we’re being out of line though and feel embarrassed after.

Has he apologised?

TwistedWonder · 15/10/2025 13:05

Of course it’s unacceptable - would he doesn’t yo anyone other than you like that?

I would tell him in no uncertain terms if he ever speaks like that again, he can move out

Original poster
Catloverlady · 15/10/2025 13:40

CaffeinatedSeagull · 15/10/2025 12:09

I’ve had moments where I’ve felt like that (on the verge of breaking), and I’ve had outbursts that was aimed at my partner. She’s also done the same to me. Sometimes life throws things at us and we need to left go, vent or just shout ‘arghhh’ very loudly. We normally both realise very quickly that we’re being out of line though and feel embarrassed after.

Has he apologised?

Yes he has and I understand he’s under a lot of pressure.
I don’t think it’s divorce territory because we have moments like this in life but it’s about what’s acceptable. Thank you for sharing. Similar experience.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 15/10/2025 13:53

I've never had a BF or husband speak to me in such a disrespectful and contemptuous manner.

Your OH gets really mean and goes for the throat when he's pressured and he takes his stress out on you. I think making someone a verbal punching bag like he did to you is uncalled for.

What if he does this to the kids?

NuffSaidSam · 15/10/2025 13:57

It's totally unacceptable and you shouldn't just sit back and take it.

If this is a one-off, out of character moment then I'd forgive and move-on after a sincere apology and having discussed his plans to get a better grip on his stress levels/temper.

If it was a regular thing, he didn't recognise the problem with what he'd said or he didn't accept he had work to do/changes to make them I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

ohyesido · 15/10/2025 13:59

If anyone spoke to me like that they’d be out of my life and orbit immediately. No one deserves that from anyone regardless of what the accuser thinks.

don’t accept it you don’t have to

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