Father of my children on a swingers site?

[Gemmylettuce]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, hence why I’m here for more opinions.

partner of 10+ years and (amazing) father to my young children (1/3) had a weird charge on his phone bill. I do all the receipts and accounting for our business, so I noticed it. It was a premium text number with 18+. Naturally I google it - number is for a swingers site.

Could it possibly be anything else at all? how the hell do I broach this? I feel like I’m lighting a bonfire under my life, but there have been some weird things before that I couldn’t quite put my finger on / nothing enough to stop and investigate in any way.

what would you do?

Maybe it's just curiosity. Is it a website? Why would he have had to pay, for membership? I would just ask him.

I only say this as when talking socially in a group to a colleague who was divorced, he brought up swinging! Was quite a bit random thing to bring up at the time and I don't think he is into it, but with him felt it was more of a fantasy/curiosity.

It's interesting you called him the father of your children in the title rather than your partner.

Are you still together and is everything ok generally?

Was the site fabswingers?
You can text to buy membership to the site although you can also find it for free but paying gets you more things.

Has he joined it for the videos and photos now that all porn sites need ID?

Thanks for your message - yes good point, we are together although quite distant from one another now adays. We are extremely focussed on our children and business right now. I guess the “children of my father” bit is the overwhelming thing for me in terms of a potential breakup.

it is that website yeah - I don’t know anything about it and considered making a profile to search for his but honestly I just don’t really want to do that. Is it a website you’d have a profile on to look for encounters or chat? For context, I found him on salubrious websites early in our relationship and he said it was old…

i just don’t know what to do next!

You have 2 options.

1. ignoee it and put it to the back of your mind.
2. You ask him about the ‘unusual’ payment and see what he says about it.

Most people would talk to him about it. If he tells you the truth than at least it’s out in the open. If he denies it, then you have much bigger issues and things to think about.

I couldn’t ignore this, especially as the OP mentioned other things that stuck out in the past

@Gemmylettuce Its a website for chatting (for either dirty talk or to meet up), finding encounters and also people post up photos and videos of all things sexual.

If you're together but not really together then is it really a problem?

If you're still together and having sex then I think you need to raise this with him. If he is having sex with others you may need an STI test.

I would ask him calmly, get his explantation and take it from there.

is it a recurring number or a one off?

Ask him a very short open question that gives him no wriggle room. Then shut up and see what he says. Eg “I’ve seen this, it’s related to a swingers site, what is going on?”