DH now works both UK and US hours

[somanythingssolittletime]

I am at the end of my tether really… DH founded a tech startup 10 years ago. It has been blood, sweat and tears to get it to a good level. Which meant I had to navigate 2 pregnancies, maternity leaves, and going back to full time work pretty much alone. I support him, but sometimes he takes the piss.. He is a workaholic, he does nothing else but work. It was taking a toll at his health so he found a hobby. Woodworking. So now he is either working or out in the garden sanding ot whatever he does with small pieces of wood.
His company expanded and now has offices in the US. Which means he now works both UK and US hours. He doesn’t have to, there are people over there who can take care of things. And I don’t mind if every now and then he has to work late to be in US hours. But at least 3 days per week he is on the phone until 8pm. Which means I get home from work at 6.30-7pm and I have to deal with needy kids, prep our dinner (kids have dinner earlier without us), tidy up all the messes, plates, laundry, toys, check the kids homework, do music practice, and relax a bit with the kids until they go to bed at 8-8.30pm. And I do bedtime as well.
Usually we would split all that, which means we will have a bit of quality time with the kids before they sleep. But now I have to run around like a headless chicken trying to fit everything in, with a million distractions (mainly kids wanting snacks, fighting over what to watch on the TV, waning our attention) and him being on the phone and walking around, asking for us to be quiet. And because he is a smoker he would be in and out, passing by the living room where we usually are.
If he gave me a warning that he needs to work I would be fine, I would be mentally prepared. But he doesn’t even think to do that. I come home exhausted and have to deal with all that. And if he would stay in the bedroom and out of my hair I wouldn’t be so upset. But he walks around talking on the phone and is constantly around us, while chaos happens.
He traveled to the US a few weeks ago, and he was gone for 3 weeks. Honestly, I found life at home so much easier and stress free.

rant over

No advice just solidarity OP, my workaholic DP has just started working for an American company but he has business in the UK and US so works all hours and has had to go over to the US three times in 8 weeks! I also find it calmer/ easier to get on with things when he was away.

Why are you still married? It sounds like he adds nothing to your life except perhaps paying towards the cost of it.
I had a DH exactly like that, even down to the working on US time. I divorced him. Life is considerably better now.

Not own business but definitely a workaholic DH. A change in circumstances in the last few years and life very much upside down. I pointed out that the aholic bit of workaholic has a very negative effect on immediate family in the same way that other aholics do.

If you can’t encourage him to actively participate in family life in a meaningful way then at the very least he needs to keep work away from the home. His additional financial contribution should allow for some bought in help so you aren’t working full time and doing everything else. Cleaning/washing/cooking can all be outsourced to free up your time to spend with the children.

He will regret things when the children are late teens and older - of that I can be absolutely sure.