Stuck because of dv laws

[ineedtoknow123]

Hi, im in northern Ireland. Theres domestic violence in my relationship on both sides as a result of me defending myself but not bad enough for police to do anything. Ive been gathering evidence but ive read something on here that suggests if there is dv then we would both lose our kids. Is this right? How could it be so if im defending myself. Im staying so i dont have to entrust him with our kids alone because he has no patience and shouts alot. Ive seen cases where men have been alot worse and still get access. It feels like i cant say anything to get him out if it comes to that or i will also but branded guilty. My partner takes my reaction to him and makes out like that is the cause of his actions and that i am at fault.

Are your children witnessing/hearing violence and arguments OP? Because if so, that is seriously damaging and yes social services would be concerned and rightly so.

You need to contact Women's Aid in your area for help and support. Please don't stay in a violent relationship, your children need a peaceful home.
https://www.womensaidni.org/get-help/local-groups/

If you stay you’ll lose the kids or social care will take them to a relatives house where you’ll only be aloud supervised contact. Leaving is extremely hard, I’ve had to give up my job and only social life and financial freedom because of me choosing to end the relationship and call the police but this is better than being with And abuser and potentially losing your kids. My sister chose her ex over her son and she lost him. Stay strong and think of the kids. He won’t get 50/50 most likely he’ll have the see the kids at a contact centre or supervised by a 3rd party unless he chooses to go to family court and they say he’s not a risk to the kids. But it’s still rare that fathers get custody or even 50:50.

You say that you seen fathers that get full access even though they’re violent. There are some corrupt juges out there but don’t listen to a Judge listen to social services because they’re more right than a random judge who’s never met a violent man. If he’s gets granted full custody or something similar than go back to court again and again or leave the country and ignore court hearings, you don’t need to attend if you can’t get child care for your kids to attend hearings for example.