That red flag you ignored.

[TheThingOnTheIce]

Anyone else ignored early red flags. You saw them but hoped you were wrong and try to see the best in people ?

My most recent disaster , his female ‘best friend’ who was an issue from the start and my gut told me she’d be the end of us and I was right. I should trust my intuition more .

It’s a good question isn’t it?

The very first thing my ex said when I met him was he was looking for a woman to look after him so he could be a house husband. Everybody laughed. He didn’t mean look after the kids, he meant do his own thing. A family member told me he had never had a full time job. He was 30 at the time. After we got married he gave up his job to pursue his hobbies and he never worked again. We divorced ten years ago and he is now mid 50s and still not working 😐.

Looking back i can see that in the three long term relationships i have had in my life, none of the men wanted to work and never did. The main reason they chose to be with me was because I had a steady job/career and brought the money in which they benefited from.

It’s taken me thirty years to work this out. I couldn’t see it at the time and it’s definitely been a pattern in my life!

Friend met guy OLD first date 10/10. Second date he was going to cook for her at his place. He went AWOL on the night, found out he lived in his mums front room. Ignored the red flag. Since he has quit a job but carried on pretending to work. Said he had no debts but has CCJs. Pretended to take an intensive driving course. Gone AWOL again and conveniently lost his phone. The list goes on and on. Just lies upon lies 😪 she will kick him to the kerb but things to sort first.

He locked me in his room when we argued so I couldn’t leave.
He said his ex who he had a child with was crazy jealous of him. He didn’t see the child.
Even in the early days he wouldn’t take no for an answer and would just continue, I used to think he hasn’t heard me.
I was only 21, was looking for a rescuer! It was him I needed rescuing from in the end.

A female ‘just a friend’ (former fuck buddies)
The crazy psycho ex that attacked his friend
the two jobs in a row making him redundant because the ceo was intimidated by how clever he was
the filthy state of his home
the not having a any friends at all locally, they were all long distance 2-3 times a year max
the alcoholic parents
the ‘I love you’ within 6 weeks, having been engaged to someone else less that 6 months before (he moved in with another woman who he met when our baby was 4 months old)
punching a hole in my flats wall when I was pregnant

I moved 5000 miles to live with my DH, 25 years ago. When I first visited, he lived alone and had a weekly cleaner. By the time I arrived to live with him, she had been dismissed.

We've been married for over 20 years and he has never cleaned a bathroom. I have. 🙄
Its not the worst that could happen, but it is very frustrating.

A Friend felt my ex was just using me. She felt that he only wanted to see me when it suited him, She was right. I ignored what was a red flag.. when we was alone he was all over me. Then when we were out in public he seemed to be watching who was around if we kissed or held hands. His reason for splitting up with me was he wanted to be single again and wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, 2 weeks later he started going out with someone else.

The moods. He would not tell me I can't do something, but he was always so sulky and in bad mood that it was simply easier for me to 'choose' not to do whatever he didn't like.

Never taking any responsibility for anything. Anything that went wrong was someone else's fault.

i believed him when he said his ex was mental and had him arrested for harassment and adult out of spite. It didn’t at all match the person he was presenting to me. Of course that changed as soon as he’d got me pregnant and financially entangled with me

I was talking to my DD this week about red flags. She's recently left her BF and some of the stuff she has told me is def reg flag territory.

He's still doing it ... sending messages saying "you'll never meet anyone as good as me" .... then a few hours later "heartbroken, might as well drive off a cliff".

he would always put friends and the feelings of his family first. He was mean financially

Just the cruelty. He had a cruel mind. So did my Dad but I hadn’t realised at that point that it’s not normal to be verbally cruel to people regularly. Boy do I know now, I feel sorry for anyone who tries to pull me down verbally now because I’ll name what I’m seeing ever so clearly 😂

I had the second one. The novelty of that did wear off pretty swiftly!