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Original poster

DH lying

16 replies

worriedmum8686 · 13/10/2025 23:35

Things haven't been good with us in a while we are always very up and down. Young kids both work full time- me mon to fri he works shift work up to 50 hours a week.

last night we had a really restless night with our youngest and when they woke this morning it was evident an an and e trip was on the cards. She had an injury. DH started work at 2 today so I asked him would he take her he bit my head off and went on a rant about being under appreciated and having to do everything ( he really doesn't do everything the nights he's here he will do bedtime with the kids while I am tidying up). I then told him to leave it I would ring work and tell them I wouldn't be in today and I brought her. So left the house at 730am left other kids to school and set off to an and e while DH stayed in bed....

I was ringing him on and off to keep him up dated about hospital and then Dd wanted to FaceTime him. When we FaceTimed him he was in his van- said he had brought rubbish to the dump them said he was on his way to a town around 45mins away to the place he bought his van last year as he needed a spare tyre (never mentioned this at all to me) we chatted a bit he was being arsey. About an hour later I rang him with another hospital update no answer...after 45 mins still no answer. Then he rang back and said he was talking to the guy about the spare tyre and they didn't have it. It all just didn't make sense to me and when I eventually got out of the hospital I rang him and told him I knew he was lying about where he was.

he went on and on about how he wasn't lying then I said ok then show me the call log of you ringing the garage saying you were coming he couldn't do that...then about 15 mins later he rang me and I could hear he was panicked but really angry at me . Turns out he had went for a sports massage near his home town. But is still adamant he didn't lie as he called into the garage to ask about the spare tyre (he couldn't have they are 25 mins away from each other and the timing just didn't match). Like he is blatantly lying to me makes me
think there is more to the story but my first husband had a ridiculous affair and blindsided me so I sometimes don't trust my judgement in these situations.

OP posts:
Francine84 · 14/10/2025 00:41

This is a man who went for a sports massage rather than take his ill daughter to A&E… Does it matter if he’s cheating? He sounds awful. Your daughter deserves better.

Arlanymor · 14/10/2025 00:48

Lying is one thing. Not being there for his family is a whole other thing. The latter should be the most concerning thing right now. He didn't start until 2pm and wouldn't come with you at 7:30am - kids get fast tracked through A&E, he could have come with you and still made it to work.

tothelefttotheleft · 14/10/2025 01:07

The sports massage thing sounds dodgy.

FeistyFrankie · 14/10/2025 01:42

Are you sure it was a sports massage and not some other kind of massage?

workingitout1234 · 14/10/2025 02:18

Yuck find the number of the sports massage and call it

avignon1234 · 14/10/2025 02:35

Sounds like you are both a bit stretched, working long hours and you maybe have not got the division of childcare or "teamwork" quite right, and this has caused resentment. This is something to tackle head on by conversation, and you have to talk about your work commitments and what is acceptable to you both. Also sounds like you do not trust him, and that is something you have to work through, independent of the current issue. However, if he shirks when the difficult times come, choosing to have any sort of massage or free time while you have to have to take time off work to take a child to A&E (and it is already wrong from that teamwork POV), then he does not deserve constant updates.. When you say "I was ringing him on and off to keep him up dated about hospital" I wouldn't have bothered personally. I am sorry you are going through this, and hugs, hope you can sort things out by talking xx

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 14/10/2025 04:19

Refusing to take his dd to the hospital is absolutely horrendous.
If he went for a massage I doubt it was a Sports massage. Whatever he was doing must have been extremely iffy judging by his behaviour. It definitely must have been something planned he felt he either couldn't or wouldn't not do.

Crikeyalmighty · 14/10/2025 05:59

Sports massage my arse- if that was the case , why hide it? Why not just tell you in advance - I woukd want to go through all his statements im afraid, bank, credit card etc - this may be the tip of the iceberg

indoorplantqueen · 14/10/2025 06:04

I don’t think him refusing to take dc to hospital is that bad as they only need one parent and you had other dc. He absolutely should’ve got up and sorted the other kids out. My dh would’ve been distraught and been contacting me non stop to get updates on dc and would’ve joined me to tag team if necessary.

Mumptynumpty · 14/10/2025 08:07

indoorplantqueen · 14/10/2025 06:04

I don’t think him refusing to take dc to hospital is that bad as they only need one parent and you had other dc. He absolutely should’ve got up and sorted the other kids out. My dh would’ve been distraught and been contacting me non stop to get updates on dc and would’ve joined me to tag team if necessary.

She not only had the other kids, she had work which he didn't.

So refusing is an option when your priorities are a massage over A&E?

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 14/10/2025 08:15

So he definitely went for a massage as he showed me the card payment on his Apple wallet and the time...all above board. But an hour away for a massage we live in a city there are plenty near us. It's such a stupid lie and he really stuck to it until I said ok then show me the messages between you and the garage...show me the call. He knew he'd no way out.

he knows I'm exhausted and run ragged atm he gets to do his hobby every sat from 8-4 while I do the birthday parties, activities, football matches with the kids. I am fed up asking can I have time because it turns into an argument about how much he works (he does but I am not a kept woman I work and everything is 50:50). I do go out with friends at least once every six weeks and he thinks this matches his weekly hobby.

the massage just isn't sitting right with me

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 14/10/2025 08:17

Yet another man who doesn't love his children or his wife. And another OP who is focussing on something other than that, because the truth is too painful.

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 14/10/2025 08:21

ChristmasFluff · 14/10/2025 08:17

Yet another man who doesn't love his children or his wife. And another OP who is focussing on something other than that, because the truth is too painful.

True but when all I ever hear from others around us is how good a dad he is I then think I am expecting too much. It's like what I do is just expected as mum he does one thing and he's amazing

OP posts:
surprisebaby12 · 14/10/2025 08:21

Assuming bad intentions is like poison in a relationship. He’s obviously overwhelmed and working very hard, as are you. He’s gone to do self care and that’s upsetting for you because you didn’t get to, you had to put your child first. It’s not fair, but it sounds like he’s trying to find ways to ease the pressure on him just like you are.

if you want to shift the responsibilities around childcare, or find a way to ease the pressure on you, that’s something you need to tackle together, taking into account both your work schedules and capacity. If you want a 4 hour weekend hobby, get one.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/10/2025 08:27

I agree that you are fixing your attention on the wrong thing. Refusing to take his child to a&e because he had a massage booked is appalling. And he knows it’s appalling - that’s why he lied.

What a pathetic man. And it sounds like this is just the tip of a whole iceberg of selfishness from him and (righteous) resentment from you.

Merseymum1980 · 14/10/2025 08:28

Have you seen the call log for a sports massage? Was it a Thai massage shop or a sports therapist?
50 hours a week is a lot of work

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