Love my husband but no sex and still the lies

[BlueToneTess]

strange week with a funeral and a wedding

in between there was an issue with a camera we have installed in our house for security, it looks outward but you can see a slight reflection of our room on it too depending on how the light is

the camera is fairly new but has been working with no issue since going live

on Friday I was working away from home and DH at home

i came home from work and he said something about the camera not working, WiFi blah blah, asked when I last checked it

as I hadn’t checked for a few days (had the funeral and no reason to) I said so

he got the camera working again

he must think I’m an idiot, I accessed the downloaded recording, it was working fine, he turned it off, I can clearly see on the recording him turning it off

so what is it that he needed to turn the camera off for?

I saw red but took myself out of the situation as was emotionally drained from the funeral and had the wedding coming up and a few other things over weekend. Managed to be civil with him on the sat but would not have a conversation about what was bothering me

at the wedding i tried incredibly hard to do the right thing, talked to people etc although i hate that

my mother-in-laws comments to others re my job and another about how it’s always the same (with regards to me, and not positively) did not make me feel welcome which kept me from relaxing

as usual I drank a bit too much and DH put me to bed

he says I have nothing to worry about but he is also the man who claims he doesn’t talk about me to his family yet they know more about me than I have disclosed to them. It’s quite possible I was a crazy lady but I won’t know because I won’t get told. I do understand that my behaviour is my fault, I’m not trying to shift the blame

i I had a shower and basically through myself at him and there was no response

i now think there is someone else. I’ve wondered for a while. He’s lost a ton of weight and full of the joys before he heads away to work

i hate the weekends when we have days together to fill

i really wish I didn’t go to the wedding, I feel like such a fool

There’s a lot going on which may be, at least in part, why you are self medicating.

Do you think another woman visited the house and this is why your DP turned the camera off? If that’s the case you need to talk to him about that because this problem won’t go away if you ignore it. Sounds very difficult. I wish you all the best.

Do you think he had someone round while you were at the funeral?

This sounds utterly miserable OP. Maybe tell him you know he turned the camera off and are now wondering if he's having an affair? I'm sure he'll deny it but at least you won't be keeping everything in. Maybe then go and stay with someone for a few days for a break and to decide where to go from here.

He must think you are stupid OP if he doesn't realise you can see him turn the camera off. Whatever he was doing that he didn't want you to see why didn't he just do it in another room rather than arouse your suspicion by turning the camera off?
If it's his behaviour and your unhappiness that is driving you to excessive drinking then you really need to address the problems in your relationship rather than allow it to wreck your mental and physical health. If that involves separating from him, even temporarily, then so be it Put yourself and your wellbeing first.

Lay off the booze because that doesn’t help anything. I’d tell him I’d seen him turn the camera off himself, then go quiet and let him start burbling. You’ll know if he’s lying. After that, it’s up to you what you do. Some people become obsessed with finding hard evidence of cheating. Having been there myself I think that once you’re in the space of thinking you need to track them, obsessively watch the Ring doorbell footage, etc, it’s over anyway. On the other hand if he’s honest about why he turned it off, even if that is because he’s been cheating, then it’s up to you to decide if you want to try to work through it. Either way, it’s not an easy road. Look after yourself first, and always.