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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help. Advice on unequal split

10 replies

1415isgreat · 12/10/2025 19:56

Hi, I am posting on behalf of a friend. She is trying to leave her relationship (not married) and has 2 children, one who is disabled. Been together 8 years. I have always seen some great advice on Mumsnet so thought I would post on here for her as its quite an unfair affair, I think.

He has previously been violent a few times, and always financially abusive. Police have been involved in the past but charges were not pressed.

A lot of things in the house she has paid for, all furniture, kitchen, flooring etc pretty much everything and as he paid the bills & mortgage, she tended to pay for all the food & child related expenses.

As she is trying to leave, he is making it incredibly difficult for her to do so. His salary is a lot higher than hers, she is also studying full time (so she can gain some financial independence) and working part time at min wage.

He wanted to buy her out of the property, and she was expecting a lump sum which was a decent amount (equating to what she has put in - about 50k). But now, he has come up with some figures about how they will be deducting everything which she bought in the house from the settlement figure and she is free to take all, this includes things like doors, spotlights, furniture, wardrobes etc along with some more deductions for other things etc like some debts - and basically she now apparently owes him £25k and it will be deducted from this figure which was initially discussed.

Friend has tried applying for UC but they have given a lot less because of Student Loan. Student loan is not max amount because of partners earnings and she is still at the address. There is no family she can move in with, and she can’t afford to buy him out.

Would really appreciate if anyone has some kind advice on the best way forwards or any helpful advice.

OP posts:
1415isgreat · 12/10/2025 20:04

Sorry it is so long

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 12/10/2025 20:07

It’s really difficult if she’s not married
She may have a claim on assets she legally owns
he should pay child maintenance
does she work ? I think she needs legal advice especially with a disabled child
CAB can give advice on benefits
your poor friend

edited as I can see she works I would think it would be better if she can pause her studies as I don’t think she can afford to do it right now - her place of study may also be able to advise on this and benefits etc as she’s a student

GloriaMonday · 12/10/2025 20:07

She needs proper legal advice. She should be able to get a free chat with a family lawyer.

1415isgreat · 12/10/2025 20:16

Thanks. She is set to see a solicitor tomorrow. Just so stressful with everything and also in such an awful financial position.

OP posts:
GloriaMonday · 12/10/2025 20:32

Best wishes for your friend, @1415isgreat .

Zanatdy · 12/10/2025 20:36

Is it a joint mortgage? If so she is entitled to 50%, you can’t start deducting stuff like he is. Definitely get legal advice if she isn’t on the mortgage.

HappyHedgehog247 · 12/10/2025 20:39

He can demand what he likes, rhat doesn't mean he is going to get it. Given the abuse I recommend solicitor and court. Mediation not advised with abusive partner.

millymollymoomoo · 12/10/2025 20:40

The only relevant fact here is is the house jointly owned ( irrelevant how mortgaged) and is it joint tenants or tenants in common if so ?

1415isgreat · 12/10/2025 21:04

millymollymoomoo · 12/10/2025 20:40

The only relevant fact here is is the house jointly owned ( irrelevant how mortgaged) and is it joint tenants or tenants in common if so ?

It is jointly owned, and is joint tenancy

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 12/10/2025 21:56

If they own the house as joint tenants then each party is due 50:% of any equity

thsts it.

there’s nothing else to quibble about and it doesn’t matter who paid what

for ho takes what furniture is a separate matter

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