Just a little rant 😩

[Kait1223]

My boyfriend’s mum has always commented on my weight and compared me to her daughter, but she mainly did it while I was pregnant. I was already self-conscious about my weight, especially considering I’m only 17. Since having the baby, I feel like I’ve developed hatred towards her and her daughter, and I can’t seem to get over it.

Every time we go to stay there for the weekend, I always want to go home by the end of the night. But she’s a drinker and can’t take us back, and since I’m still in the middle of doing my driving test, I can’t drive yet. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t like going there — in his eyes, they haven’t done anything wrong.

His mum and sister are overly obsessive with my baby. If the baby starts crying, they’ll take her away from me. They’ll come and peek through the door when I’m in bed to see what the baby’s doing. They even say that my baby is their baby, and I feel like I can’t be a mum around them because I always have eyes on me 24/7.

His mum wants us to go to her house for Christmas, but I think I need to say no. Every winter, rats seem to come into the house and stay until spring, and she won’t do anything about it. I don’t want my baby’s health to be at risk. The problem is, none of them — including my boyfriend — see an issue with it, which makes me feel like I’m overreacting or overthinking.

This feels like hell. I feel awful, and it’s like I have to choose between my baby’s health and everyone else’s feelings
(not sure what to put as a topic lol)

Just stay home with the baby & let him go? Or get public transport/taxi home?

congratulations on your baby 💕

Stop going there, just say NO

It is YOUR baby, not theirs! You are the baby's MUM.

you don't need this shit in your life, nor the boyfriend as he's as bad as them. What family/friends do you have that support you?

if you are breast feeding, keep breast feeding for as long as possible (he can't then have the baby for extended periods of time. I'd refuse ANY & let him take me to court, then go for supervised visits at a contact centre.

you're very young to have a baby, but you are now a Mum & need to stand up for yourself & your baby. I hope you have family & friends who support you, but there's other help out there if you need it.

Oh & don't worry about the weight, least of your problems right now 🤗

This sounds really tough on you OP. You are very young indeed and I remember being that age and to be honest I was very unsure of myself and let myself be walked all over. Now you are a mum you have got to get a bit tougher, do not be a push over, especially where your baby's health is concerned. There is no way you can be staying in a house, with baby, when there is a rat infestation (and I say this as somebody who keeps domesticated rats as pets!), that would be unsanitary and dangerous - I know first hand how agile and inquisitive rats can be and they could easily climb into a cot or moses basket - and they pee everywhere. So you need to give them a hard NO.

And taking over with YOUR baby? NO! Absolutely no way can you allow this. It's nice to have people who care about the baby but if they are calling it their baby and taking over and undermining you - no. That is awful. Don't let them convince you otherwise, what they are doing is manipulative and wrong. Because you are young and unsure of yourself they think they can get away with it and bully you. And then if you protest they minimise it and make you feel like you're wrong to be upset. You are not wrong, they are being awful.

Where are you currently living? Are you still living with your parents? If so there is no shame in asking them for help if you feel nervous about standing up for yourself, they ought to have your back. If you were my daughter I would go major tiger-mum on your behalf.

As to the rude and horrible comments about your weight - who the hell do they think they are? Your weight is none of their business or concern, they are bloody rude frankly. How dare they! If they do this again I'd tell them bluntly to stop, tell them it upsets you and if they carry on tell them to fuck off. They, including your boyfriend, sound very dismissive of your feelings. That's not on at all. And if your boyfriend doesn't have the balls to stand up for you, or even get why you are upset, I would be reconsidering this relationship. Life is too short to be stuck with someone who doesn't have your back or care about your feelings. You are very vulnerable as a young first time mum, they know this and are using it to walk all over you. Don't let them.

His mum lives in the middle of nowhere so there isn’t any transport and I feel forced to go 🥴

No I don’t breast feed as I gave my daughter a bottle of formula when she was first born then when I went home I tried to get her to latch and she refused so I pumped and she wouldn’t take my milk 😩 I feel so guilty about that!! I’ve not got many friends as we have different interests now but I have the whole of my side of the family to support me

Yes but your not a little kid anymore, your a mum & you get to decide if you want to go. Your not stopping your boyfriend from going so theres no issue. You do not need to attached at the hip :)

Thank you and at the moment I live with my mum as no privet landlord will take me on until I turn 18 😩 but thank you!

I understand that but I HATE confrontation I don’t like the thought of being questioned or someone getting angry but now I need to think of my baby

So, you don’t currently live with your boyfriend? How old is he? Does he live with his parents?

He’s also 17 and he lives with me

He lives with you and your mum, so you hopefully have support and somebody in your corner. That’s good, at least

You need to learn how to stand up for yourself and say ‘no’.

Also, super personal question, but I hope you’re using SOLID birth control. You really don’t need to bring another baby into all this.

They doctors have only recently gave me an appointment! I also have gallstones so it’s a bit tricky as I can’t have nearly most birth controls 🤦‍♀️

Why would they be angry? You need to get out of this kid mentality.

LOL you have not met anyone like his family and if you did you would understand. And what?? Because I don’t like confrontation I have a kids mentality PAHAHAH your funny x

You have a child now and need to grow up. Identify boundaries to protect you and your baby. Does your boyfriend work?

You’ve literally repiled to my comment like a kid. Your a mum now, stand up for yourself or you will end up fucking miserable.

Next time you go have planned to get a taxi home. Your boyfriend doesn't need to come with you. When you feel like ity late enough call a can and head back with your baby. If you don't want Christmas there say no. Again your boyfriend can do what he wants. You're not joined at the hip. Have your own Christmas with the baby or go somewhere you want to. You don't n ed to have a reason other than you don't want to.

You are very young but you’re also a parent now and you have a child to think of- that means standing up not just for yourself but for your child, regardless of who you might upset in the process. It’s not about loving or hating confrontation, you’re faced with a choice of either potentially offending him & his mum but speaking up, or risking the health of your child- that’s a no brainer. I couldn’t give a fuck who does or doesn’t like me, my kids are my absolute and only priority.

@Kait1223

You might not want to hear this. At 17 there was plenty I didn't want to hear from 'old' people who 'didn't understand', so I get it! But try to keep an open mind and at least think about it. Keep in mind I only have your best interest at heart & have nothing to gain/lose whatever you decide to do. Ok.

You live with your Mum, that's great as at least you're not depending on him or his family.

How are you getting on with your Mum?

Send him back to live with his Mum.

He isn't putting you or your baby first. He's a 17 year old lad & they do mature slower than girls, so it's not surprising, but YOU need to put you & your baby first!

They are treating you badly (for a long time) & not respecting that YOU are the baby's MUM. Dont go, your bf can sulk all he likes, but so what? Tell him to stay there.

of course you don't take your baby to a house where they think having rats isn't a big deal!!

You might not like confrontation, not many if us do! But as we get more life experience we learn to stand up for our children & protect them and mistreat of us learn to stand up for ourselves too.

When I was your age I put up with a LOT of shit from my boyfriend's parents I tried to stand up for myself, but like you, hated confrontation & thought if I was nice & polite etc they'd learn to like me. Fat chance, they were just vile people. It's a long story as we were together many years, but I'd handle it so differently now.

it must be very difficult maintaining friendships as such a young Mum with your friends not having babies, but try to because friends are important, very important.

I wish we could talk in person - I hope there's someone you can talk to? Grandparent, Aunty, friends mum. Sometimes your Jen Mum is too close to the situation or just someone you can't talk to (for many reasons). Do you have any siblings?

🤗🌷