My friend is always taking her kids on holiday…

[tottlee]

My friend and her DH are well off, they both earn good money and they have 2 kids age 10 and 3. They go on holiday around 8 times a year. They’ve always been travellers and I always used to think good on them for doing what makes them happy, but over the last couple of years I can’t help but feel that it has become a problem for them. They seem to be stressed if they don’t have another one booked, and I dare say anything because I think they have become addicted to the escapism of it all.

Both their children have ADHD and dyslexia and it’s clear they are craving routine and stability, plus additional support. Their oldest child has started complaining that she doesn’t want to go away anymore, and their youngest has already been “diagnosed” by nursery staff as probably/definitely ND.

My friend’s sister has upset them by saying she thinks they should lay off the holidays a bit, go away slightly less and make sure the kids don’t miss out on school and events in the school holidays (to be fare to them they generally go away during the school hols or close to the school hols). But this has offended them and when my friend was moaning about her sister to me I didn’t want to say that I actually agree with her sister.
Not only this but their house is a tip and unclean.
My friends husband has a drink problem and I think he cannot handle normal home life, the monotony of cooking, cleaning, washing etc, but the holiday addiction is, I feel, become unhealthy and stopping their children thrive, despite the fact they can clearly afford it. WWYD?

A 10 year old complaining about doing something with their parents? Shocker of the century

I’m sure your ‘friend’ knows what her children like more than you do. Although you don’t seem like a very good friend. I’m baffled to why you suddenly think that less holidays will make these neurodivergent / dyslexic children thrive.. I’d be more condensed about the unclean house and the father’s drinking problem if I was a good friend that genuinely cared.

What’s his drinking problem out of curiosity?
And one man’s house being a “tip” is another man’s lived in, don’t care about it being pristine…

Is the 10 year old missing school?

I'm surprised if they're high earners and both work that they don't have a cleaner.

It's really none of your business unless you think social services need to get involved?

good For them for living the life they want to.
its short and fleeting and we only get one.

good for them for not conforming to the status quo and actually filling their lives with things they enjoy

also the kids neurodivergence has nothing to do with this or you. Every kid with adhd is different.

My autistic child deals amazingly well with holidays and does not need the routine of home at all in that instance. In fact they’re often much more regulated and pleasant when we’re doing something novel or new.

Holidays don’t have to impact progress or homework.

Wondering why it bothers you? Are you more deserving of the holidays because your house is cleaner?

Ahh another Mumsnet 'friend' who can't wait to assassinate their pal on a public forum.

Gotta love this place! 👀😁

If the school does notice something, they can take it up with the parents. That's the point I was making. If all these holidays has no impact, then the OP has no need to be concerned. If they do, then the school with handle it. Either way, the OP can keep out of it.

Speaking as someone who used to have a drink problem 😂, my money would be that holidays normalise drinking all the time - 6am at the airport, 10am on the sun lounger, keeping the kids up late to do it. And if your friend doesn’t drink loads to, it gets her out of the chaos of home where there is probably a lot of unhealthy behaviour and a lot of prioritising stuff that is easier than tidying the house and making sure the kids get to bed on time.

Yes, it sounds problematic and unhealthy. Kids (and adults) need to learn to be bored. What can you do about it? Nothing really.

At the end of the day many parents actually don't know their kids best. Can't see the wood for the trees. Otherwise how do you explain all the kids being neglected or with their emotional needs not met etc?

OP, if the kids themselves are saying they don't want to go on holiday then it sounds like their parents are being selfish and putting their own needs first.

Unless you see an actual safeguarding issue, however, I don't think there is anything you can do.

If you don't like this woman, then stop being friends with her and leave her to it. If she won't listen to her sister, she won't listen to you.

Even when their kids are telling then they don't enjoy it? Sounds like selfish parenting to me.

OP - there is no ‘addiction to holidays’ - it’s not a thing. And going away in school holidays is not a strange thing, if one can afford it.
Where I live - many people do it, and it has no bearing on the state of the house, or kids ADHD.

You sound judgemental and jealous but trying to come up with reasons to justify it.
Stay out of it. Not your money, or your children.

It's their problem.
Don't worry yourself about it.

If you find their house messy, arrange to meet her elsewhere.

I find the drudgery of everyday life excruciatingly boring and we travel whenever we can (probably ADHD here too); yes, it’s partly to get away from the housework. Our house is probably “a tip” by Mumsnet standards but it’s not unhygienic and works fine for us. My holiday photos probably make it look like I have a drink problem but I don’t. However, our kids love travel and excitement so it would not have been a problem for them. As long as they’re not missing much school, I’d be happy for them.

@Thatsalineallright

kids say all sorts of things. They don’t always know what’s good for them or what they want.

whilst they are kids and live with their parents, they live their parents lifestyle within reason.

The two things are clearly connected and I think the OP is right in that holidays are the "cause" and the state of the house and the drink are the "effects".

As for you OP, my advice would be to stay well out of it.

You know they are "clearly connected" from a couple of posts on the Internet from someone which already contain lies?

Whats it like being psychic?

Sounds to me as if the OP should go on more holidays and worry less about her 'friend' and how they live :) 8 holidays is hardly excessive, and two on the low side.

Google says the average UK family takes just under 4 holidays a year, and those with young children take over 6. Now, that seems a lot to me and AI is notoriously flaky, but even so...

I think you need to mind your own business you sound jealous .
As for kids needing stability because they are ND , 2 of mine are ND ( one autism and one adhd ) and they travel better than the NT child , they thrive from it .
It’s not up to you to decide how many breaks the others need . I would travel half of the year if I could afford it . The kids would be really happy too

None of your business tbh

You sound jealous

Judgemental. Keep your nose out i say

I don't think there's anything from what you've said that is a major red flag apart from the "drink problem" but as you say it's related to the holidays, it sounds like he just likes drinking on holiday?