Deflated after missed oppertunity

[Waterhorse46]

Went for a job. Middle leadership role in teaching. I am a middle leader at the moment. Didn’t get it. Lost out to someone who’s not a middle leader. They’d by the looks of it been in touch with tht school or known to the school somehow as the interviewer said “I’ve seen you before” whole time the conversation felt directed to him.

Feel a failure. I did everything to put my best foot forward but still nothing.

They wanted to offer a subordinate position I think and said they’d ring me today but I just ended up tuning out when I got the no and I didn’t want the subordinate role. I’m just feeling deflated and not ready to tell my manager about this and also just feel like it’s a battle already.

Was it a joint interview?
Why would you tell your current manager?
i understand its disappointing but there will be more opportunities. It wasn’t meant for you.

Do you usually react this strongly to anything related to failure or rejection?

I mean, I understand that missing out on something you wanted doesn't feel very nice. But it seems to me like the emotional impact it has on you is a bit over the top.

Is anything else going on in your life? Are you okay?

Op you’re alluding to thinking the successful candidate somehow had an unfair advantage over you. Doesn’t sound like it to me!

You didn’t get the job. It wasn’t a missed opportunity. Hopefully you’ll be happy with that they offer as an alternative

3 threads you have started about feeling deflated about this!!

Stop and take a moment to breathe.

It’s not a missed opportunity, you were simply unsuccessful on this occasion for a side step position. You have no idea of the successful candidates credentials, only level. They could have been stepping up, have worked with them in the past and showed great initiative etc.

Not getting a job you apply for is not unusual for many people, nothing to shame spiral over. No need to get into who got it, levels etc, just a simple ‘I was unsuccessful on this occasion’.

I'm sorry you feel so rubbish about this OP, you will feel better though. You just have to ride this bit out, this is the worst bit. Another job will come along and perhaps that will be the one for you. Try some deep breathing exercises, focus on things you enjoy, maybe some crap tv etc to distract you. It can feel crushing to be rejected and not to get a job that feels like it will be great for you, just let the feelings roll over you for a bit until you're ready to pick yourself back up.

Take a breath, you're clearly good at your job as you have your current one. Maybe this person was exceptional, maybe they were just a better fit or would balance outthe team better, you just don't know. I know teaching is trickier because you can only go for certain opportunities at certain times of the year and you have to tell your school before you interview BUT other things will come, what's meant to be will be and everything happens when it's meant to. I've been rejected for jobs potentially hundreds of times in my life, don't let it get to you, I've had jobs that looked a perfect fit who never went past a phone interview, I've had interviews I thought went brilliantly and then I've never heard back. It's a bit like dating, it needs to feel good on both sides and if it doesn't, it simply wouldn't be right for either person, it's not personal. Try just to move on, no good can come of dwelling, it just wasn't right this time. You'll probably face this lots more times in your career, you'll also certainly get offers and promotions too - it's never smooth sailing. Get the feedback, maybe Google Growth Mindset and learn that failure and mistakes are positives that you'll learn from, not reasons to beat yourself up, give up or feel defeated. Always onward

It’s interesting that this is a leadership role in education and you can’t spell opportunity, or at least proof read something before sending it. There was at least one other typo in your post. Is your attention to detail at work the same as this?

Did writing that post help you feel better about yourself?

It’s interesting that you seem to lack the emotional intelligence to understand that when someone is upset and disappointed, their spelling might suffer a little..

But if that nasty comment made you feel good, I guess that’s all that matters!

The op is currently head of English no less

Interviewer may have seen the other candidate in the pub, out with the dog, on tv. Or maybe candidate was proactive and connected with potential interviewers on LinkedIn, I always have a flurry of requests before I interview.
You seem to doubt the interviewing skill of the panel. Thus you do not sound a good fit. It is plausible is that other candidates performed better than you at the interview, seemed a better match to the job and team and offered long term career goals. Sidestepping is not the best way to change role, it could indicate lack of ambition or disappointment in current role.
It would have been helpful to listen to the feedback. It is not unusual for a second choice candidate to be offered a role if the chosen person withdraws. You may have disadvantaged yourself by not engaging.

Teaching positions very often call references before interview, and if a teacher needs a day off they need to set cover. One of the very limited circumstances a day is allowed is for interview. That’s probably why OP’s current manager will know.

It used to be quite common in teaching interviews for all the candidates to sit together for the day and go in 1 by 1. And to get told on the day who was successful… as a group! Not sure if it’s still like that, but this sounds as though it might have been.

It’s probably not what you want to hear right now but i truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

Job interviews are one of the most draining things you can go through and it makes you feel like a failure when you aren’t successful but not everyone can get the job.

I know teaching jobs are awful for having someone in mind and I have been part of interview panels where they already know who they want for the job but they have to advertise and interview other candidates anyway.
Its absolutely shocking.

I have lost count of how many times I have cried and felt crap for not getting the job but I look back and thank goodness that I didn’t, else I wouldn’t have ended up in a different role which I enjoyed even better. I am in such a different place than I thought I would be 10+ years ago and that wouldn’t have happened if I got the jobs I thought that I really wanted.

You tried your best and you weren’t successful.
Thats fine.
Its better to try and fail than not try at all.

Have the evening feeling sorry for yourself and then wake up tomorrow and make sure you stop being hard on yourself.
Have a think about your next steps.

That was it! Exactly this! I find it tricky hearing it in person because you see the persons body language change immediately. I’m aware they wanted to discuss another opportunity, however, my body language was not very open when I heard the rejection.

my body language was not very open when I heard the rejection.

how so?

I just wanted to get out. I very much hate failure. Also, they didn’t even ring me back when they promised. So I felt as though it’s best to move on.

What does that mean in practise? You didn’t run out in tears? Flounce out and slam the door? Very abruptly turn in your heel and march out?

However…, Being evidently keen to wrap up after being told you were unsuccessful would have been expected and reasonable

I didn't get a leadership role I applied for and was really upset. But when I saw the colleague doing the job and how difficult and stressful it was I realised it wasn't for me. I hope you get some perspective and realise things happen for a reason.

It isn't a promotion for you, it's a sideways move. Can I ask - why move sideways? Schools often want to give opportunities to young (cheaper) keenies. Did the school ask why you wanted a similar position?

It isn't a promotion for you, it's a sideways move. Can I ask - why move sideways? Schools often want to give opportunities to young (cheaper) keenies, so its not necessarily on you that you didn't get it. Did the school ask why you wanted a similar position?

Oh gee the process does seem brutal 😧

I wonder if this is adding to your upset.