Me (20M) and my ‘friend’ (21M) feel like our relationship is on a fixed trajectory towards ending. ‘Relationship’ and ‘friend’ being loose terms.
Some background:
We met in Jan 2025 on a queer dating app and have been talking daily ever since. It started super slow and now we text almost constantly. Good mornings, good nights, i love you’s, the whole thing. We talk about day to day stuff, frisky stuff, emotional stuff. But never relationship stuff. We never however, bring up what we actually are. Until tonight.
Things were getting steamy over messages and slowly shifted into talking about how much we just appreciate each other. I tell him that I think he’s perfect and I love him for loving my body and the way that I am. I straight up tell him that I’m in love with him. He tells me that I make him so happy and that he’s grateful for me because I make him feel loved. I remind him that I’m not just a screen and that if he needs anything ever, that I’ll be there.
He says that he hopes life can bring us together more often. He then says that our distance is what has kept him from officially asking me out and that he is scared that we will be separated in the future.
Some more context:
When we initially met, we lived about 30 minutes away from each other. We both lived with our families. We hung out a few times just as friends and then I moved 4 hours away for a work opportunity. Now I’ve been on my own since about April. I come home every month or so to see family but when I can I also see him. We just can’t keep our hands off of each other. We are so happy when we are together. However this obviously isn’t very often. So, we text to make up for it. It isn’t ideal and we are constantly talking about how we miss one another. It’s October now and I’ll
be home for two weeks in November while I’m in between jobs. We’ve been looking forward to spending the holidays together as much as we can and we are both bursting at the seams to see each other soon. Unfortunately after the holidays I’ll be moving even farther away (6 hrs). On top
of that, our relationship has always been built on the precedent that he would eventually be moving away for work as well. Once we have both moved away we would be about 16hrs by car away. At the very beginning of our friendship/relationship we very briefly agreed that neither of us were interested in a long distance relationship with no plan to eventually come together again. We haven’t talked about it since. It was always something way off in the distance and I guess a part of me expected to not be interested in him by now.
So we’re seeing each other for the holidays, but after that the future is unknown. My plan is to move again in January, and his is still up in the air but nonetheless looming. His plans to move are more vague than mine but basically he wants to move to a different state to work and live with his childhood friend. This is something that we initially thought would happen right away but has been put on standby. His friend has some things he needs to get in order first and it could be literally anywhere from tomorrow to two years from now when he finally goes.
So it’s come down to the wire and it’s all finally feeling real. Especially now that he finally brought it up- it feels comforting that he has been thinking about it too. What are we? What can we be with what time we have? And are we going to let time define what we are?
Over the past few months we have made plans many times for him to come visit me just for a few days to see if he likes it. Since he still lives at home he’s always talking about how he wants to move out and get more freedom. He also talks about how he misses me so much all the time, so why is it so hard to get him out here? Granted, he’s had a few rough blows the past few months. Car problems, job problems, family problems, you name it. But I still can’t help but feel like he doesn’t want something serious with me when he makes empty promises about coming to see me.
So, with me starting a brand new life 6hr away in a big city, what should I do? I’ve thought a lot about it and I think this location would have a plethora of opportunities in both industries we work in. Is it fair for me to ask him to stay? Is it fair for me to ask him to try living with me for a while (even a week!) and see if he likes it?
Best case scenario for me is we do become official and he at least tries to move in with me for a bit. He’s got nothing to lose with trying it in my opinion. Is it too big of a jump? I’m confused and very much in love and I don’t want to lose him.