Feeling lonely in my relationship, with two young kids

[Elody9]

Me and DP have been together 6 years, we have a baby and a toddler. Lately it feels there’s no spark in the relationship anymore. DP works long hours, comes home, goes into Dad mode then we end the night just watching Netflix and going to sleep. We don’t flirt or have chemistry anymore. I don’t even feel he see’s me anymore, I’m just the mother of his kids. I feel so unloved and lonely. Any advice?

Have you tried speaking to him about how you feel? X

I have once or twice, just mentioned it and he seemed shocked I felt this way. He said he’s just tired and of course he still loves me and wants me. But nothing has changed, it’s still the same everyday. I tried my best to be kind, patient, look my best after having a baby but nothing seems to work.

A baby and a toddler is a difficult time for a marriage as it’s very labour intensive and tiring. Could you get a babysitter/grandparent to babysit so the two of you could have a date, even to the local pub for a drink one evening?

It gets better @Elody9
Although you've talked to dp about feeling like that, have you talked to him about what it is you'd like more from him? And how it would work.
Ie, can we cuddle more? I miss when you used to just randomly put your hands on me throughout the day and know you're there. Can we set one day a month to have a fancy dinner at home no TV? I'd like to do x y z with you more like we used to.

I found just saying hey, I'm feeling a little unloved and lonely just made my dp go "oh, but I do love you still?" And nothing changed, but giving actual examples helped him go huh ye, I suppose we don't kiss anymore do we?
Also the kids being older and at school helped!

Have a propper talk with him.
Sit down and without blame, talk about how you feel in the relationship. Ask if he feels as lonely as you do.
Plan time that is just yours. Myself and my wife take every monday daytime while the kids are at school. Though I work for myself and she compressed her hours to only do 4 days a week.
But even evening. One evening a week where you do something for yourself like cook together just for you or get a sitter in and go out for a couple of hours even just to walk.

Make it clear how the loss of spark is making you both feel and talk about how you can both work to bring it back.

Even really simple things like holding hands, random hugs, making sure you kiss everyday. Just little things that to start with may feel forced will eventually become natural again and have a huge impact.

Have you casually mentioned it, or have you sit down with him, elaborately told him how you feel and how it's impacting both your own wellbeing and the quality of your relationship?
Have you asked him how he feels when you share these feelings?
Have you asked him how come when he knows you feel this way, it still feels difficult for him to incorporate changes in his everyday actions? What's holding him back? Is it sleep deprivation, stress, ...
Have you asked him if he ever feels lonely in the disconnect between you? Why yes or why not?
Have you asked him how he sees your relationship progressing over the next few years if everything stays the same?
Have you asked him how exactly he can contribute to creating more moments of connection between you two, and what he needs from you to make those things happen? Make him be specific. "trying harder" is not an answer. "planning ahead for the next 6 months and scheduling a date night once a month" is.